In the USA we call Futbol soccer – because we named a different sport football – one where only one guy on the field is allowed to kick the ball. Americans have always made sense. The World Cup is here and it is of course a big deal to the entire world – outside the USA who has a team competing but I doubt that most of the USA could name a single player on the team or who they are set to play against.

I decided this year to pay attention and watch as much of the World Cup that I could – I have not been disappointed. I have compiled a small list of observations on teams as well as the sport in general – and realize I loved playing soccer (Futbol) as a kid and still do play a bit with my son.

1. There isn’t a single actor in all of Hollywood who can act as well as a Futbol player trying to draw a foul. In Futbol if you are even breathed on wrong you are to flop around on the ground as if you had just been shot and are in the final stages of a death throw to try to get a foul pulled on the other team. The funny thing is as soon as the foul is drawn these actors seemingly are spiritually healed on the spot. Quite something to see really.
2. The term “Qualifier Games” keeps being thrown around. Apparently there was a qualifying round? Considering how bad some of the teams are in the World Cup I am curious to see what the teams that failed the Qualifying Round looked like. Maybe I can beat them – by myself.
3. South Africa should never have sold a single horn. Watching the games is actually painful and in some instances difficult to hear because there is this constant drone of horns in the background. They should have handed out terrible towels like the Stealers fans have, at least those are quiet.
4. There is this constant concern about terrorism and inter-team violence. During every match at least one commentator says “Well the crowd seems to be getting along – let’s hope that lasts!”
5. The Australians should stick with swimming.
6. The British Goalie who couldn’t stop a damp sponge and let the Americans get back in the game against Britain should probably find a different country to live in – like Neptune, Star 1254 or Idontsuckia.
7. The German team is dangerous on a level that is difficult to describe so I will just compare points. Most teams have scored no more than a point in a game thus far, if they scored at all – the Germans scored 4.
8. I haven’t seen Brazil play yet – they are supposed to rock lobster.
9. Serbia has the tallest player on their team and it didn’t matter one iota. Ironically the height of that team seems to be working against them as they like to attract hand balls – a foul!
10. Even though Futbol is 90 minutes(plus an expended time) the games are still faster than American Football and Basketball games because the clock NEVER STOPS TICKING. Think about that for a moment.

I suggest you take a look at the World Cup – that way if you are ever outside the USA and someone mentions Futbol you won’t immediately talk about Peyton Manning.