Today is Super Tuesday!! I know right? Anyway, I figured I would supply you with a quick update on who you can vote for in the Republican Primaries.
- The Zealot – Rick Santorum believes that anything fun is against Christianity and thus should be stopped. Sex? Gone. Alcohol? Yeah what? Government spending? Gone (ironically here he is actually for it but is more than happy to tell you, the voter, that he is vehemently opposed to it). If this guy loses I would expect him to have a Christian compound in Texas soon, replete with a squadron of hot women that he definitely won’t be having sex with.
- The Lunatic – Newt Gingrich is awesome, just ask him. This guy loves to promise stuff that he has absolutely no way of executing on. Like what? $2.50 gas – FOREVER. A Mars base by 2020. The list goes on and on. The man is actually crazy – even people that worked for him started to see it to such a degree they’ve been quitting in droves. If this guy wins you can expect him to use The Button.
- The Waffler – Mit Romney has changed his views on things so often that even he doesn’t know what he believes right now. It is so bad that now his only tactic for winning the race is having his Super Pac out spend everyone else on negative ads against his opponents. Example of Waffling? Mit is totally opposed to Obamacare. Why is this a waffle job? Obamacare is actually RomneyCare on a nation level. How can the man be against his own idea?
- The Isolationist – Ron Paul believes in small government. Ron Paul believes in bringing every American back to the USA. Ron Paul believes that the rest of the world should deal with its own issues. Sounds great in principle, trust me I love the idea, however there is a wee problem – China, Russia, Iran etc are all big fans of this plan too. Why? If there is no USA outside of the USA borders then these guys pretty much get to do whatever they want. Not sure if you have noticed recently but Putin, a known gangster, just stole the Russian election, again. Yeah. Not sure a Gangster should be allowed to run topsy turvy over the world. Just saying. Oh, and according to all Mass Media – Ron Paul is un-electable because he is just to weird looking.
And this has been your.. whothehell cares moment! Don’t forget to tip your waiter. BTW if you haven’t seen the Fox video that ScanJack posted – you really should. It is incredible.