Average, moderate, non-obsessive, relatively sane American, I understand your frustration. I can relate to your apathy towards the current political process, and the “lesser of two evils” choices that has been the status quo since (at least) JFK. I too will be tempted to write in “I.P. Freely” or “Hootie McBoob” on the ballot in front of me. Washington is a Cube-like device that slices and dices the soul of every reformer or “maverick” that staggers into its rooms. The whole thing whiffs of dogshit, piled high on a bun of impotence.

Here’s my advice: come up with a list of “least” statements that’s relevant to your values and priorities. For example, here’s my list in no particular order:

(1) Which candidate is least-likely to send my son off to die in a pointless war?

(2) Which candidate is least-likely to put my name on a “list” just because I checked out Orwell’s 1984 from the local library?

(3) Which candidate is least-likely to force his values upon me and my family?

(4) Which candidate is least-likely to tolerate fat f*cking cat CEOs who hoarded millions of dollars while their companies tanked and Bob and Sandy Stockholder got fleeced?

(5) Which candidate is least-likely to pour billions of dollars into new military weapons that, with 99% certainty, will never be used because they are useless against Sue. E. Side and her C4 jacket when she walks into a crowded market?

(6) Which candidate is least-likely to bring baggage – and you know the kind I’m talking about. The kind that distorts his vision, and forces him to make bad decisions.

(7) Which candidate seems the least hypocritical? Notice I said least. There is zero chance that any person over the age of six has never changed their mind,  or backed up their words with actions 100% of the time. That’s a fact of life.

(8) Which candidate screwed over family and friends the least? Adultery, divorce, pissed-off cousins, etc. – more facts of life. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be tallied.

(9) Which candidate is the least-likey to be crazy? For example, if you heard one of them climbed to the top of a belltower and started tagging UCLA freshmen, which person would surprise you the most?

(10) Which candidate is least-likely to die before the end of his first-term?

Judging by my “least” statements, you probably know my candidate. The bottom line is, if you are looking for perfection, rock-solid resolve, or a candidate that is more “like you”, then you are delusional. Do some research, read a LOT, and pick and choose what’s important to you. Or you can write in Mr. Freely.