First off we should agree on what outsourcing really is – in this article anyway. Hiring an firm that local to do some work for you is not outsourcing as I am I referring to it, rather sending work to a company overseas is. This is the taboo subject – Americans seem to hate the idea of sending work overseas – one could wonder why, and there are a multitude of answers, I want to talk about a different why though – why would someone send work overseas instead of finding a local firm to do the work? Seems like a simple question, I mean, why not go with someone closer to do your work?

The obvious answer is cost, and in most instances that is the case. Most Americans believe that the cost is direct – meaning that the labor overseas is less than it is the USA, and in most instances that is true. However, the real cost comes in other types of human resource overhead. Take a Software engineer for instance. In the USA a software engineer, one with any talent, will cost you about 100k/year. Adding in the standard overhead for having an employee in the USA, 33%, and you end up with 133k per year – for a resource that is arguably unproven – to you.

So say you can get the same skill set and experience for less than half that price? Now add in the concept that if the resource doesn’t pan out almost immediately that you can have them replaced, immediately, and no detriment to you. You can’t do this easily in the USA – in fact there are often negative things as an employer for just cutting a team member. I just spoke with a guy today that said his company had to write him up three times before they could threaten his job – so basically they manufactured reasons to write him up. How tedious.

If you can get local, do it. That said if you have needs for your company and can’t find local help at a decent price then there is nothing wrong with outsourcing. Really. We Americans have grown fat and lazy and have somehow graduated to believing that the world owes us something. News flash: the world doesn’t owe you a damn thing. So if you are too stuck up or proud to take that job then don’t bitch about someone else taking it, regardless of where they live.

THE THREE STOOGES
The Three Stooges movie trailer was enough to get my eight year old daughter and five year old son to quickly commit, but my ten year old daughter held fast in her refusal. I not only had a nostalgic desire to see the film, but I had just acquired two scapegoats to deflect blame in the event the movie was atrocious. There are undoubtedly fringe benefits for having common interests with your five and eight year old kids.

Let’s just cut to the chase. The Three Stooges were never known as a mature ensemble trying to convey subtle dry humor. They perfected the art of slapstick, which as entertainment is timeless (but I guess that is debatable…just ask my wife).

The question now becomes: what is the expectation level of such a remake. If your pretentiousness only allows you to see Oscar nominated films then I wouldn’t recommend this one. By the way, that was not why my ten year old daughter refused to go. She just thought it didn’t look good. You know “good” like iCarly, Jessie, and Good Luck Charlie. If, instead, you want to be entertained by idiots being idiotic then have at it. I really wanted to see how well the Stooges were portrayed and I was amazed at what a good job they all did (Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos, and Will Sasso). Sasso gets extra kudos for his spot on depiction of Curly. That is not to take away from the other two who were great as well, as the integrity of the characters remained intact. We the traditionalists take pleasure in that.

I tried to stay tuned in to my kids during this movie. My five year old son was cracking up. I didn’t see much reaction from my eight year old daughter even though she claims to have liked the movie. I was doing my share of laughing too. Granted, it’s a limited sample size, but I came to a definitive conclusion based on our individual experiences. This type of humor is right in a five year old boy’s wheelhouse and will appeal to adult men of any age who have the maturity level and sense of humor of a five year old.

Amen, brother. Now you know who I am!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t enjoy this mindless humor as an innocent boy anymore, but it didn’t make it any less entertaining. I realized I was watching through the eyes of what has become a neurotic, worrisome man who isn’t what he once was (**ReelRhino note: he ain’t kiddin’!). Every time I saw a chainsaw or sledgehammer taken to Curly’s head I was worried the moviemakers were going to be sued by some idiot kids who would try to mimic what they saw on the screen (funny, not worried about the idiot kids; worried about the lawsuit). In my head I found myself working out my fatherly post-movie speech on the subject of reality. Like an answer to a prayer, immediately after the movie ended two studly dudes faux posing as the Farrelly Brothers gave a safety disclaimer. Let me clarify. The answer to the prayer was the disclaimer itself, not the studly guys. They explained how the props were rubber and how it is never a good idea to poke anyone in the eye. Disaster averted; no obligatory lecture needed. Thanks, Farrelly Brothers, for cleaning up the loose ends even if it was most likely done at the insistence of your attorneys.

If you understand what you’re getting into then I think you can enjoy the stooges for what they were and always will be…no more, no less. Just don’t ask the question, “Where’s Shemp?”

3 out of 5 Whiskers ~~~  Catfish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks Catfish, although you didn’t touch on it, my real question is how does this fit in with the up and down career of The Farrelly Brothers.  They have fallen from their 90’s pedestal, but I think they still have the touch, but it is very hit and miss!

I gave HALL PASS a 3 out of 5 Horn rating last year, and on a second viewing, I actually enjoyed it a great deal more, even perhaps as high as a 4 of 5!

THE RAID: REDEMPTION
This movie was off the hizzy fo shizzy.  That is one of the highest compliments I can pay a flick.  This film was written and directed by Gareth Edwards and it was shot for a ridiculously reasonable $1.1 million in Indonesia.  This film looks like a $30 or $40 million Hollywood flick, rather than the low budget indie that it is!

The story is simple: a police SWA T team is sent into a high rise building owned and run from top to bottom by the big crime boss in the Jakarta slums.  Things go fairly smoothly, until they don’t and that’s when things get re-donk.

This movie is about 70-30…70% crazy balls-to-the-wall action scenes consisting of some gun fights, but  more prominently, hand-to-hand martial arts combat. These fights are crazy and there are some kill moves reminiscent of Mortal Kombat, but done in the real world.  The speed and choreography is brilliant and again, Edwards is unreal in his shot selection and it all comes together in a tightly woven sequence of battles and fights, with sparse dramatic scenes interwoven, that for the type of movie are quite acceptable.

This is a film that has been extremely hyped from a critical perspective.  It is subtitled, which will turn some off, and most likely they can wait until it is re-released in the US after being remade here (which is unnecessary!).

I had a great time watching this movie and I fully recommend seeing it in the theater, rather than waiting for the home viewing, and even more so watching it on a mobile device or a computer.

4.5 of 5 Horns for The Raid: Redemption….go ahead and take a try, it’s an otherwise weak weekend ahead.

Until later, take care!
Reel Rhino

So the results are in…The Hunger Games have taken the weekend…again, banging out $21.5 million!!!  This is the first flick to roll four weeks in a row since Avatar did it in January of 2010.  The movie sits at 22nd all-time on the domestic box-office already and it is only four weeks in!

The Stooges, as the most family friendly flick (it was rated PG) of the bunch, came in at second at $17.1 million, with the R-rated The Cabin in the Woods jamming a solid $14.8 million, but besting the Stooges per screen average opening on less screens overall. Number 4 was Titanic 3-D and Number 5 was American Reunion. The second flick I review today, Lockout (see below), came in at a paltry ninth place, bringing in only $6.25 million but playing on over a thousand less screens than the stooges.  So the PG-13 crowd that should have been seeing Lockout, apparently was watching, or re-watching Hunger Games.

I did also see The Raid: Redemption, which I am saving for a mid-week post, but let me say quickly, it is re-donk-a-donk.

Also, the week ahead looks bleak…the three wide-openings for April 20th….Chimpanzee, The Lucky One (Ugh), and Think Like a Man.  I have little interest in any of those, so it looks like I will be searching the art houses for next week!

For now, on to business…

The Cabin in the Woods
So…Biff wants to be a buff! (what’s that line from?  anyone know?)

I fancy myself a bit of a horror buff, reaching back about as far as Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, loving the classic era of modern horror (1970’s) and most of the first installments of the era of sequeled/franchise horror (Nightmare, Friday, Halloween, etc.).  Perhaps my favorite genre is the splatter film, gore film, or “Splatstick.” Most notable on my list of favorites here is Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is vastly superior to Zach Snyder’s 2004 remake, and also Romero’s lesser seen Day of the Dead.

The “cabin in the woods” genre is almost a subset of horror in and of itself…it kind of goes hand in hand with the summer camp sleepaway horror flicks, except that with the lone cabin, ala Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead, you are on an island, so to speak, as far as being utterly alone.

So we have your standard cabin in the woods flick here…insomuch that the damn title is even, “Cabin in the Woods!”  Well, that’s actually just a bit of tongue-in-cheek marketing at play, because this flick is anything but standard.

Cabin in the Woods is much more of a comedy than it is a horror flick and while there were a few hearty jump scares that got my blood pumping, this is a flick that is wholly self aware and is played much more for laughs, than for pure horror scares.

At the outset of the flick, you meet a pair of scientists in Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins.  They are talking about some kind of operation that is going on around the world, and how it has come down to the Japanese and the Americans to come through.  Out of the gate, you realize, this is a horror flick with a twist, and at no point during the movie, does the film try to keep you from realizing that things are absolutely not what they seem.

That is the beauty of this movie, it is telegraphing its differences from your standards run of the mill horror flick, but you still have NO IDEA what the end game is, and that keeps you 100% invested in seeing this story unfold!

The story…a genius effort from Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon, with Goddard also directing.  Goddard has been on Team Whedon since the good ol’ Buffy and Angel days, being involved as a writer on the prior and a writer and story editor on the latter.  Cabin in the Woods is exactly what it sounds like…a story about a cabin in the woods.  My only surprise was that we started off with only five kids headed out to the wilderness, which seemed like a little light on victims, but in the end, it all came together and it all made sense.

The five kids include quite a spread of folks, most notably including Chris Hemsworth as Curt.  Yes, Thor himself is one of the primaries in this thing, and this was filmed long before he hit the mainstream as Kirk’s papa in the 2009 Star Trek reboot and certainly before he became the God of Thunder and started his path towards the Avengers.  The other four are much lesser known actors, but things may changes as this flick is bound to launch them into somewhat of a cult status as the hapless victims in a new evolution in horror.

Let me not spoil a thing about this story, other than to say that you have never seen anything like this and while you learn early on that a team of scientists is following the plight of our young victims, you really have to wait until the very end to learn why.  Also, there comes a moment at the end of this flick when this thing just blows off the rails into super crazy, and when it does, you will either love it, or like the older couple in my theater, perhaps stand up and exit the theater.  I think most of you will love it, but it gets crazy, fast, as this flick heads toward its resolution.

4.5 of 5 Horns for this fantastic reinvention of a played out subgenre of the horror scene.  Kudos Mr. Goddard, Kudos Mr. Whedon….now Joss, you best not let us down with The Avengers…I have faith in you…you gave us Firefly, they took it away, but you continue to thrive, and I will consume every bit of what you serve!

LOCKOUT
Just as Cabin knows what it is, so does Lockout: a silly, action-packed sci-fi comedy.  I almost wanted to add thriller in there, but I think there is a marked lack of drama, and while there are some thrills in the action, it isn’t really a thriller.

In fact, given the startling rate at which Guy Pierce’s Snow spews one-liners, this is almost a full fledged comedy.  Produced by Luc Besson, a genius who among other things, brought us The Fifth Element, which also had a fair amount of comedy, but didn’t seem to try nearly as hard.  If most of his jokes didn’t stick, I would have walked away from this with a completely different view, but for trying so, so hard, this script was actually pretty damn funny!

If it isn’t the funny, it may be the pain old fashion fun.  This movie would perhaps be the B-movie stuff of late night SyFy if not for Guy Pierce’s absolute affability.  He is just plain lovable as our anti-hero, mixing one part John McClain (badass reluctant hero), one part Snake Pliskin (concepts), and one part Michael Weston (Burn Notice — looks…Damn if Pierce isn’t the spitting image of Jeffrey Donovan in this!).

This is nothing to write home about.  It is a fun movie and it takes you on a fun ride.  In the not so distant future, there is a low-orbit space station, known as MS-One or Maximum Security-One.  A prison, with hundreds of beds, being used a test facility where prisoners are kept in stasis during the course of their prison terms, eliminating the troubles with your average run of the mill prisons.

The president’s daughter, Emily Warnock, played by Maggie Grace, is off on a humanitarian mission to interview some of the prisoners, to see if the rumors about stasis dementia are true and if the concept of MS-One is actually a sound one or just good for show.

Of course, her visit goes badly, the prisoners overpower her protectors, and ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a good old fashion hostage situation.

Now we have something in the vein of Escape from Los Angeles, the vastly inferior, 1996 Carpenter sequel to Escape from New York, in which Snake Pliskin is sent to LA to retrieve the president’s daughter, who has run off to cause some mischief.  The concept is similar, except that Emily Warnock hasn’t chosen to be in peril, but the story did in fact demand it.

Snow is a disgraced CIA operative, who has been accused of treason, and who stands to be sent to MS-One for a sentence for his own crimes, before he learns of the rescue request that is being made of him.  He basically tells them to piss up a rope, until he finds out that his confidential informant, who happens to have a piece of information that proves his innocence, is already an inmate there.

Of course he accepts the mission and nearly 30 minutes in, things really start to get moving.  I make a note of this because the flick is not excessively long, and for taking a few extra minutes getting snow to the space station, it really keeps the pacing of the rescue itself moving along nicely.

Lennie James has a great supporting role, as does the ever smarmy Peter Stormare.  The main badees are played by Vincent Regan and Joseph Gilgan as Alex and the psychopath Hydell.  Hydell is excessively over-the-top in a deliciously evil kind of way.

Look…this is not the best action flick you will ever see, but it is interesting, enjoyable, and out and out fun, for my movie dollar.  I give it 3.5 of 5 Horns and say critics be damned, it was a fun time in the theater.

Until later….take care!
Reel Rhino

American Reunion – 2 of 5 Horns
I am a huge fan of American Pie, and a moderately decent fan of American Pie 2 and American Wedding.  The original trilogy had both heart and loads of laughs.  This film leans way to heavily on the old reliable jokes, and to bring this series back after 9 years and a solid end to a TRILOGY, well, I expected a much stronger effort.  Eugene Levy is great, and there are glimpses of hilarity in all of the original cast.  The only problem is that the glimpses of hilarity were quickly clouded by replaying so many of the SAME JOKES from the originals.  In a post Judd Apatow, Todd Phillips, Bridesmaids, Hangover world, from those who reinvented the teen gross out comedy at the end of the 90’s, I expected much, much more.  This was a lame duck from a crew that historically has delivered.  Weak folks, very weak.

Wrath of the Titans - 2.5 of 5 Horns
This is a movie with very little story.  I mean there is a story there…a very basic hero’s journey, but it has absolutely no substance!  The 3-D was not terrible, but there was just so little to grab onto here.

Mirror, Mirror – 4 of 5 Horns
This is a movie full of fun and whimsy!  Tarsem Singh is shaping up to be one of my favorite directors and his flick, The Immortals, puts to shame the Titans flick mentioned above…don’t believe me, check it out!  Mirror, Mirror is the first of the two SNOW WHITE flicks we are getting this blockbuster season.  The other one is a bit more serious, and this effort is a family friendly and really fun outing at the theater.  Lily Collins is stellar in the role that actually inspired her to take up acting.  Julia Roberts chews up the scenery in her turn as the wicked Queen, and Armie Hammer is stellar, just stellar as the Prince.  The seven dwarves are both eccentric and reinvented in a unique and enjoyable presentation.  This was a fun movie that was a welcomed flick in a so far lackluster film year.

Casa De Mi Padre – 4 of 5 Horns
Will Ferrell as the protagonist in a Spanish language film.  One part comedy, one part drama, one part western, one part GRINDHOUSE genius.  Look, I’m not even going to make a shot at describing this flick.  The comedic sensibilities are similar to the tongue-in-cheek-ed-ness of Anchorman, and while I thought it was wholly ridiculous, I also thought is was very creative and exceptionally cool

Titanic 3-D – 5 of 5 Horns
Just a great movie…an all-time classic!  This is how films are meant to look in 3-D.  James Cameron should be in charge of all up-conversions, from here on out.  Line ‘em up…all of Michael Bay’s early work, The Matrix trilogy, all of the blockbuster wet dream flicks, give them to Cameron and let him handle the 3-D-ization, please!

Sorry It’s been so long, I’ll try to write again sooner…till then, take care!

Reel Rhino

Let us discuss, for a spell, eating right. I could go on and on about working out, what is better, blah blah, when it really comes down to a personal choice anyway. What do you like to do that is exercise based? Walking, running, water polo – who cares really. With food it is a different story – there is healthy and unhealthy, period. People love to lie to themselves, but the fact of the matter is that fried foods really aren’t all that good for you. Too much sugar? Bad for you. Too much bread? Catastrophic. What about salad? It is the healthy choice right?

Here is the thing about salad, in America anyway: Salad is almost never healthy. See Americans love to lie to themselves. It is true, and most of the rest of the world knows this simply by just looking at pictures of Americans – most of them are fat. Why? Salads in America start good and healthy and end up a delivery mechanism for the most fattening foods that people can think up.  Start with a series of green vegetables, typically leafy, then throw on some more brightly colored vegetables. Everyone at this point thinks you are a borderline health genius for your creation. Do you stop there?

NO. You start to throw on a series of crap that most doctors tell you are lethal. Hard boiled eggs, nine types of cheese, dressings that are made out of even more dairy products, bacon, more bacon, chopped ham, chicken, beef in steak form, more bacon, blue cheese crumbles, and of course, croutons. You lie to yourself that you aren’t eating bread, dismissing of course that croutons are actually made of bread. Who knew right? Yeah.

Thing is, if you didn’t do all that, you would be left with a plate of vegetables. Not much wrong with that beyond the fact that 20 minutes after eating them all you’d be starving again. Therein lies the trap of not eating meat – and thus the issue of being a vegetarian – eating just vegetables means that chances are you are used to being hungry. Guy that stuffs his gullet with a triple bacon cheeseburger and fries? Yeah, he is stuffed for hours. “Couldn’t eat another bite!” You hear him say. You? Vegetarian person? Person who just ate an entire field of greens covered in other vegetables? Yeah, RAVISHED. You could tackle and eat anything.

So non stop cycle of starvation feeling, or adding loads of meat by products to feel full. I know what you are going to do – and so do you – fatty.

I was tempted to get into the books before this came out, but I resisted for one main reason.  I didn’t wanted to spoil a decent movie, with a much better book.  From what I have been hearing from fans of the book, the movie does justice to the written version, so perhaps my fears were overwrought with memories of The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons, both FANTASTIC Dan Brown books, both TERRIBLE Ron Howard movies. Would I have liked those movies more if I hadn’t read the books?  Who knows, but I wasn’t going to chance it.

So I got up early on this fine Friday, to check out the 9:45 AM IMAX show at my home theater of AMC Barrywoods.  I expected a larger crowd, but there were only about 100 in the huge auditorium.  It was 9:45, though, maybe too early for some movie goers….for me, it was a great opportunity to AVOID THE CROWD.  I am sure the evening showings were an absolute mess!

The story is simple, a civil uprising in the world of PAN-AM was quelled in the past by the government.  The world consists of 12 districts and as penance for their uprising, each year each district would offer up one young man and young woman as tribute to the Hunger Games.  Their names were drawn from a bowl and depending on things you received from the government through the year, your name may be in there more than one time, increasing the odds of your selection.  Of the 24 competitors selected for the competition, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! (Sorry, that’s highlander!)  But still it’s true, there can be only one winner, in a fight to the death battle arena style competition, in which the arena is this futuristic gaming cage consisting of forests, mountains, fields, and rivers.  Lots of places to hide, plan an ambush, or cry for mommy, if that’s your cup of tea.

This is a sci-fi, fantasy, action, adventure, love-story, but also methinks, it falls into the realm of post-apocalyptic (of sorts) and me likely likely!!

We focus our attention on District 12, where young Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) struggles to survive with her mother and her sister, hunting for whatever she can find them to eat.  We meet her early on and we can tell she is quite proficient as a survivor.  She has a close friend in Gale (apparent man-candy to most young ladies in Liam Hemsworth), who dreams of their families running away together, away from the oppression of the PAN-AM government and their wicked Hunger Games.

The day of The Reaping (the selection of the tributes) is upon their District,.and the fancy-schmancy Effie Trinket (an almost unreconizable Elizabeth Banks) is their to lead the ceremonies as the District’s liaison to the games.  Katniss has a younger sister, Primrose, who is in shambles because this his her first year with her name in the bowl.  Of course, the odds are stacked way against her being selected because the older you are and the more in debt you are to the government, the more times your name is in that bowl.  As fate would have it (and for the sake of good storytelling!), of course young Prim is selected.  With that event, District 12 is then presented with its first ever volunteer for tribute in Katniss stepping in to take the place of her much younger sister.

Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson), the son of the town baker, is selected as the male tribute.  The two are given fleeting moments to say goodbye to their families, and then they are off to a two week stretch of pagentry, celebrity, training, and then the ultimate fight to the death.

On their travels via a high speed futuristic floating (magnets?) train to the capitol city, they meet their “mentor,” a former Hunger Games champ, Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson).  On the train, the are regaled with lavish food and hospitality.  Haymitch is not so eager to begin their training, as he is quite jaded by all this, but he quickly comes around to their cause.  Once they arrive in Capitol City, they are each given a handler to make them presentable.  Katniss has the good fortune of hooking up with Lenny Kravitz himself, who turns out to be a master of style and panache.

The supporting cast of adults, Kravitz and Harrelson included, are all matched to their characters perfectly.  From Stanley Tucci’s jovial host of the Hunger Games talk show, attended by thousands, to the game designer, Seneca Crane (Wes Bently), who has by far the beard of the year in any movie to date.  The enigmatic Donald Sutherland is perfect as the soft spoken, man of little words but harsh glances, President of Pan Am.

After the selection of the Tributes is complete, they are presented to the audience of thousands who have gathered for the Games.  In this process, they have the opportunity to impress folks and possibly garner sponsors that may send then needed items that may aid them during the Games.

There is a training session, some get to know our characters time, and by the midway point in the film, much to my happiness, the games begin.

This is a PG-13 film that features a competition of battling to the death.  This is mostly a bloodless battle film, but the skill in overall presentation makes you the viewer, forget how mild the violence is, compared to what it could be, ala say, The Running Man.

The game site is a beautiful landscape, that is controlled precisely by a computer control room, meaning the game designer can affect the outcome, insomuch that he tries to goad the Tributes into combat when there are lulls in the competition.

This film reminded me of sorts of Firefly, the cult classic Whedon series, in that there is a seamless combination of high-tech sci-fi concepts intermingled with old world, outworld type of Macgyver tech, designed on the fly so that the competitors can survive.

This is an out an out adventure film.  Jennifer Lawrence is a very strong lead and Josh Hutcherson holds his own surprisingly well.  I was quite surprised at the lack of screen time for Liam Hemsworth, but from my understanding, he becomes more prominently involved in the subsequent entries in this violently popular trilogy.

I learned from a co-worker today that Jennifer Lawrence and Director Gary Ross, in an interview on NPR, revealed that each day brought an hour hike in and out of the very rural set that was used for the Games grounds.  That is really something…piggyback rides anyone?  Sherpas?  Hopefully they had some kind of a hookup!

The screenplay was written by the novelist, Suzanne Collins, Billy Ray, and the Director.  I think having Collins on board is what has helped keep everyone so happy, but for my money, they knocked this story out of the park!  There were some very touching moments and I thought the selection process was especially heartfelt, as even though we had only met our characters for a few moments before we learn that Katniss will be the D12 warrior, her loyalty to her family and friends is absolutely palpable.  The story is well told from start to finish and I am very much looking forward to the sequel!

The big question is, now that I know for sure that I will read the first book, will I be able to keep from reading Catching Fire and Mockingjay in the interim?

The critics seem to love this film, the audiences seem to love this film, the fans of this book seem to love this film and you know what, I loved this film.  I enjoyed it from start to finish and I certainly was glad to have caught it on the IMAX screen, as it is limited in that regard, playing only one week on the super-duper big screen.  I wonder if the theaters will be happy that Hunger Games gets bumped by Wrath of the Titans next week?  Hunger Games set the midnight record for a non-sequel opening, I think it will be tough for the Titans to knock off Katniss next week!  THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

4.5 of 5 HORNS for this fine flick!

As a final and interesting aside, another friend at work today brought up the similarities between this and Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery.  I remember reading that back in 8th grade and being disturbed (a little) but also in absolutely loving it!  You can read it, if you haven’t, here:

Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery

It’s a quick read and it is worth it.  I really used to love short stories in English and Lit classes!  The Most Dangerous Game, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Cask of Amontillado, and so many more!  Such great tales, told in so few words!

I hope you all have a great weekend!!

Until later, take care!

Reel Rhino

For you, the loyal reader, my time away from work has yielded a higher theater going volume.  This did have the huge benefit as I noted last post of getting me to see A Thousand Words, the Eddie Murphy gem, that will go overlooked by most, likely forever.  Critics have hated on it, but if you look at the general masses response, they have been much more positive.  I mention it here again for the last time, check this flick out, you will be pleasantly surprised.

This week brought about the 70th Anniversary theatrical re-release of Casablanca.  This is truly one of the greatest films of all time and holds up and I believe it will hold up forever.  Adventure, romance, intrigue, and laughs….there is something special to the movies of the bygone era.  I kick myself for not reaching into the “oldies” for so long, it was only the mid-2000’s before I took up the mantle of trying to watch anything older than 1980.  Sad, but in the time since, I have done what I can to make up for my errant ways.  If you have never seen Casablanca, check it out soon…no matter your taste in film, it is a great watch.  It always gets how great the wit and zing of the jokes were from that era.  Casablanca is a gem of the cinema.

Friends With Kids (3.5 of 5 Horns) was a decent romantic dramady that seemed to meander about a little too haphazardly.  I respect the indie nature of it, especially from writer/director/star Jennifer Westfedlt, but that being said, why were there so many marquee stars in this thing and why were they all so damn underused?  This was a 3.5 that I could have easily given a 3, that easily should have been a 4 or better!

21 Jump Street (4 of 5 Horns) was everything that the critics have raved about, and more.  Every joke hit and the story was cohesive from start to finish.  I am a big fan of Jonah Hill and much less one for Channing Tatum.  He was wholly acceptable here, even for my tastes.  I really liked this flick, but I didn’t go gaga for it. Again…all of the jokes play out well, so I have no complaints and feel comfortable giving it a good ol’ 4 of 5 Horns.

John Carter: The IMAX Experience (4 of 5 Horns) was much like 21 Jump Street for me…I really liked it, but I didn’t absolutely love it.  A very rich story with very high production values in all its glorious IMAX splendor, the 3-D on that huge screen was truly something to behold.  I went in not knowing much of the story of John Carter, and while this made the viewing much more enjoyable, the sheer number of characters and complexity of things made following the tale a challenge at times.  I think Taylor Kitsch has chops and even though this film will be viewed as a box office failure, hopefully his performance will help him garner some star power for some more memorable supporting roles in the future.  He kind of reminds me of Ben Foster in that way, not really ready for prime time, but still a damn fine actor.  Of course the “not Andy Garcia” but shows up in everything actor, Mark Strong, is featured as one of the prime baddies, and he plays the role perfectly. That guy is seemingly everywhere!  Go see John Carter, but for being a few minutes too long, it’s a pretty good movie.

Thin Ice (4 of 5 Horns) is a movie that you probably haven’t ever heard of.  I hadn’t, until the day it showed up in the AMC movie listings the day before the film opened last week.  The movie is fairly short, but was a bit draggy at the beginning.  I can best describe it as Fargo-esque, with this film set in the insurance biz, rather than in that of used cars.  Greg Kinnear is excellent and Billy Crudup is nothing short of genius in his role.  Alan Arkin is so dynamic as an actor and as the shut-in old man, with his dog Petey, he plays the role to perfection.  Kinnear is a smarmy insurance salesman and he finds an easy mark in Arkin’s old man, who isn’t really sure he needs insurance, but buys a policy because his TV stops works…yeah, he missed the point, which was the point of the gag, of course.  When it comes to be that the old man happens to have a piece of property of great significant value, Kinnear sees it as an opportunity for a low risk heist.  Things go terribly awry and there is a series of big twists that wrap things up.  The story is tight and enjoyable and I have no idea why this was such a weal release.  Maybe it will pick up speed as an On-Demand flick or on DVD, but if you want an entertaining day at the theater, check it out…

Or A Thousand Words, that is!  Lest I digress!

After much thinking, pondering, and walking in circles through a forest I have determined who the winner of the Republican race will be. Understand that it was not easy coming to this conclusion. I created graphs. I had to read over thousands of pages of documentation. I had to come to know more about each of these men than anyone else ever has before. It was not easy. In fact, I am now in counseling to try to get back some of my sanity after having delved so far into the psyches of the Republican candidates. After having done all that, I believe, nay, I know who the winner of the Republican Primaries will be. In fact, it is obvious to me now.

The winner is, without further ado, Barack Obama. I know, he is not a Republican! In fact, he is the guy who the Republicans are trying to unseat. The catch here is that at this point, no matter who is declared the official winner of the Republican Primaries, the real winner is the standing President of the United States. Why? The Republicans have fired so much filth at one another, so much grunge, so much rancor, that they have done the job for Obama. In fact, during the real Presidential battle the only thing Obama should do is focus on the good – and run the commercials that the Republicans ran against each other – finishing each of those off with his own message “Try something positive for once.”

You just have to love it when your enemies do each other in before you battle with them even starts.

The upside is that with everything going on, I have been able to see some flicks…some posts I open by saying I am going to be short, and write all night.  This time, I am going to be short, really.

Wanderlust: 4 of 5 Horns — A really funny movie that is both a great statement on what is important in life while also being quite hilarious.  Plus, this is movie that gave us Justifer Anitheroux….  Tony, that one’s for you.  Justin Theroux was spectacular as the guru.  Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston had great chemistry and Rudd was in great form, with some great outtakes included during the credits.  And the supporting cast was phenomenal, Alan Alda included.  Check this out for a fun, R-rated run through the theater.

Silent House: 3 of 5 Horns — This movie had me at hello.  A film shot to emulate a single take from start to finish, and it worked.  It worked great.  Elizabeth Olsen continued channeling the talent she exuded in Martha Marcy May Marlene and for my money, she is by far my favorite Olsen, my childhood love of Full House excluded.  I really thought as a home invasion film, things were working very nicely.  It was set up perfectly and it could have finished just as solid.  But the train came off the rails a bit, and without spoiling it, I can just tell you that this film will not take you where you think it will.  I will say that a girl in my theater started crying at one point she was so afraid, there were a variety of scream out loud moments, and that there were many groans heard from throughout the theater when the film made its reveal.

The Lorax: 4.5 of 5 Horns — Yes, it is a movie with a message, but what is wrong with that, I ask?  This movie is well made with great 3-D and animation.  The story runs perfectly from beginning to end and it is appropriate for all ages.  It has cleared $129 million in 12 days domestically, which ain’t too shabby.  The story is sweet and true and timely, and for a Dr. Suess adaptation, I think it may be the best of them yet.

A Thousand Words: 4 of 5 Horns — This film sits at the hallowed spot of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.  Yes, you read that correctly….0%.  This is a shining example of when we as film goers have to look past the critical bullshit and think about what really makes a good movie.

Eddie Murphy has a stigma that he will likely carry with him for the rest of his life.  He has Sherman Klump and Norbit to thank for that.  Meet Dave and Pluto Nash didn’t help.  But he also has James “Thunder” Early and most of what he did before 1990 as proof that he has true talent and is a stupendously funny man.  And for the record, I can watch Pluto Nash anytime day or night and be a happy man…check it out again and give it another chance.

Well A Thousand Words is a high-concept film, that much is certain.  A fast-talking literary agent (Murphy) tries to woo a spiritual guru as a client, and in the process, the universe sets its sights on him.  He becomes spiritually linked to a tree, and when he speaks, a leaf falls from the tree.  The characters guess at the endgame that when all the leaves drop off, the tree will die, and so will Murphy’s Jack McCall.

Forget that Murphy is actually funny from start to finish in this film.  Forget that the talented Clark Duke is also hilarious from start to finish with loads of screen time as MCCall’s assistant Aaron.  Cliff Curtis is great as the guru Sinja and Kerry Washington is both gorgeous and accurate in her portrayal of a frustrated wife.

Why is this film hated by the critics?  It is at 60% “liked” by the users on Rotten Tomatoes and while not great, it is at 4.7 on IMDB.

This film tells the story of a man who takes everything for granted and has the only tool he thinks he has in this world taken from him, his power of slick speech.

He has to overcome problems with his family, his mother, his job, and most importantly, himself.

Things get silly at times, as he is relegated to charades to communicate to keep that tree leafy.  Most entertaining are his interactions with 30 Rocks Jack Brayer as a Starbucks employee.

Eddie Murphy silliness is a good thing in small doses, and for the length of this film, it is a manageable amount here.  Don’t forgo this film because of the critics, give it a chance.

I feel that as a character, we grow with Jack McCall and I like the journey on which we are taken.

Yes, I have some weighty things happening in my life right now, so maybe it touched me a little deeper than your average joe, but this is no 0% film.

Please…give this movie a chance.  You will not regret it!  Go in with an open mind…stay the course!

(I hope.)

Until later, take care gang…
Reel Rhino

A few months ago on December 16th I died, twice that I know of. On the 15th I was not feeling well, puked a couple times at work, finished what I needed to so my team had what they needed to move forward on their development projects, and went home after four or so hours. I came home and went to bed. I couldn’t get warm no matter what I tried; I took a hot shower and then went back to bed under three covers and shivered so hard I thought bones were going to break.

I finally passed out. My wife woke me up and took my temperature – 104.8. In adults that pretty much means you are not in your right mind; no clue which way is up. She saved my life. She’s been saving lives for twenty-six years at the very least. Going to the hospital was out of the question all afternoon and evening – in my mind, but this was a bit extreme, so I stumbled around and somehow managed to find a large pair of pants to wear…did I mention my stomach was so distended that I probably no longer had a 34-36 waist but 40-42.

We get to the emergency department at a hospital about five minutes away…great ER, I mean they are the best I have ever seen (and considering that due to our son, the ER and hospital are our second home), fucking stupid dumb ass hospital; zero management, but mostly very skilled people.

Right, so yeah I’m in more pain than I have ever experienced in my life, and I am just tired; so tired. Well they do what they do and get me into the CT Scan (heh, two of my nicks ) and a little while later they determine that my appendix is toast, not burst yet, but needs to be removed. So at some point here they have got the IV in and are giving me fluids and thankfully some morphine. Well, that took away a great deal of the pain…that didn’t last.

Next thing I know I’m on oxygen. They say something doesn’t seem right for an appendix, there must be something more severe and my vital signs are crashing. So much for the pain relief; they can’t give me anything for the pain as it would kill me. No worries. I die anyway. Early, and often has always been my motto

Right, so, I remember my parents arriving and again the ER people are awesome. They were working to revive me, and keep me going, while the whole time my wife knew and played along so my mom was not stuck thinking her second and last child was dying on her as well. Liters and liters of heated oxygen, massive fluid IV pumps…and I checked out.

So I can’t say there was a bright light…not by itself at the end of a tunnel or anything like you always here from the “near death media shows”… but I very clearly was having a conversation with the power(s) that be. The scenery probably won’t mean much to those who don’t know my favorite painter; that’s saying something as I believe most art is fucking crap, not worth the bullshit, nose in the air crowds and don’t even get me started on Modern Art!

Dark, swirling marble stairs, lit up with light like a night pickup game court in the inner city, but with the grandness of the ancients and the city of gold. Columns, Greek, Roman, no clue, similar. It was time to come home.

“You can come home now. No more pain, you are welcomed home.” a voice told me.
The voice continued. “Or you can go through more pain, severe pain that cannot be dulled, only endured for hours on end and stay to continue this life.”

They told me I needed surgery to remove my appendix. I was not happy about this, but I said “So I have surgery and then a day or two in the hospital and I can go home by the end of the weekend, right?” It was late Thursday night. I was working as a contractor – Senior Developer/Project Lead over a team of three other Sr. Devs on a online banking system which we had only just managed to get up and running right after four months of work – which meant I only got paid for the hours I worked; no paid time off, buy hey! At least I had medical insurance

So they couldn’t give me any pain medications, or perform the surgery because I wouldn’t survive with my blood pressure extremely low and my O2 saturation very low.

I have a family. Wife, two sons, one of which is severely disabled and requiring twenty-four hour care, in and out of the hospital every couple of months when we are lucky. My Mom had lost her first born a couple of years ago, my only and older sister. I had promised my Mom I would not die until after she did.

I told the voice, “I’ll take the pain, I need to stay here.”

People have written about the deaths of others and how they were just so tired and couldn’t fight any more. Well let me tell you that fighting means you are in the most extreme pain you can imagine for hours on end. I fought for nine plus hours before I had stabilized enough that they could attempt the surgery. It sucked. No, really, it sucked!

It turns out my appendix was gangrenous and a “simple” burst appendix probably would have been better. The surgery went well – I’m still a bit pissed that one of the incisions was at my belly button. I don’t like that touched. – and I was in the ICU. They couldn’t get my vitals to recover. They had me on over 17, 18 liters of oxygen, pumping fluids into my veins and I swear I thought I was being tortured, old school style. No pain medications, just needle sticks, pressure, and PAIN.

So, I died again.

Same place, same disembodied voice.

“You can come home now and all will be well.” If I ever find the finances I am definitely going to invest in a marble patio or bath/sauna bit for the house.

“You may stay in this life, but we can do nothing for your pain. You must endure that alone.”

Again, I chose the pain. Yeah, like a mule I am

Twelve hours later – the whole time I could swear I was being tortured but no one was asking me for any answers – I was stable enough (still on 17 liters of oxygen) for pain medication again. I wanted to go home. I needed to get home so I could at least work remotely; we had a software release to fix and get into production. Also, I needed the hours to get paid… I mean Christmas was only a week away.

Yeah, going home was going to have to wait.

Three plus days in the ICU and another three in the step-down unit, and they sent me home… too soon…but that is what I was pushing for, and I wasn’t very nice about it. I wanted to get home.

I managed to work from home about ten days after I went into the hospital, and was back in the office the next week. I had to have a visiting nurse come to the house for the first five days to draw blood and have it tested. Turns out I really should have had a blood transfusion…it took three weeks for my blood to finally get up to speed on production.

There you have it. My twin death life

I know what makes a great adviser, I am one. My advice to all – Life is short and fatal, try to enjoy it because you will only be Here once.

Be well,
Scan

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The thing about being a skeptic is the first thing you do when presented with something is to question its validity. Note this is not actually the same thing as the scientific method being applied, albeit we’d hope that it is. No, a skeptic’s first approach is to doubt anything and everything – in effect it is not true until it is proven true. Therein lies the trap.

1. The Zealot – Rick Santorum believes that anything fun is against Christianity and thus should be stopped. Sex? Gone. Alcohol? Yeah what? Government spending? Gone (ironically here he is actually for it but is more than happy to tell you, the voter, that he is vehemently opposed to it). If this guy loses I would expect him to have a Christian compound in Texas soon, replete with a squadron of hot women that he definitely won’t be having sex with.
2. The Lunatic – Newt Gingrich is awesome, just ask him. This guy loves to promise stuff that he has absolutely no way of executing on. Like what? $2.50 gas – FOREVER. A Mars base by 2020. The list goes on and on. The man is actually crazy – even people that worked for him started to see it to such a degree they’ve been quitting in droves. If this guy wins you can expect him to use The Button.
3. The Waffler – Mit Romney has changed his views on things so often that even he doesn’t know what he believes right now. It is so bad that now his only tactic for winning the race is having his Super Pac out spend everyone else on negative ads against his opponents. Example of Waffling? Mit is totally opposed to Obamacare. Why is this a waffle job? Obamacare is actually RomneyCare on a nation level. How can the man be against his own idea?
4. The Isolationist – Ron Paul believes in small government. Ron Paul believes in bringing every American back to the USA. Ron Paul believes that the rest of the world should deal with its own issues. Sounds great in principle, trust me I love the idea, however there is a wee problem – China, Russia, Iran etc are all big fans of this plan too. Why? If there is no USA outside of the USA borders then these guys pretty much get to do whatever they want. Not sure if you have noticed recently but Putin, a known gangster, just stole the Russian election, again. Yeah. Not sure a Gangster should be allowed to run topsy turvy over the world. Just saying. Oh, and according to all Mass Media – Ron Paul is un-electable because he is just to weird looking.

And this has been your.. whothehell cares moment! Don’t forget to tip your waiter. BTW if you haven’t seen the Fox video that ScanJack posted – you really should. It is incredible.

GOON
Yes, Seann William Scott has two n’s in his name AND he has seemingly forsaken Kevin Smith.  Yes, he passed on Smith’s Hit Somebody in lieu of doing this hockey flick instead.  While I think that Smith’s effort will in fact be genius, perhaps more in the dramedy genre, Goon holds its own as a solid hockey comedy.

This movie was certainly accentuated by the fact that I caught it at home on Time Warner On-Demand, viewing it with The Kid in the Helmet and Papa Schmer.  Now, Papa was far less entertained than The Kid, but having at least one cohort who got some great belly laughs at all the right moments helped out a great deal in this viewing.

Goon follows Doug Glatt (Scott), a loser who is depressed because he seemingly has nothing in his life that makes him standout.  Doug is down in the dumps and his friend Ryan (Jay Baruchel) takes him to see their local hockey team play.  It is something of medieval times as the games are more about the fights than the hockey. When Ryan gets a little too mouthy with one of the players going at it, the player hops the wall and heads up into the stands.  Doug quickly finds a talent…in beating the hell out of that player.  He is quickly recruited by the team, and takes on the hallowed mantle of “Goon.”

Add in a little Alison Pill as a love interest and Liev Schrieber as Ross Rhea, the resident Goon who is currently serving a suspension for breaking the only rule of hockey fights…you never fight with your stick.

Written by Baruchel and Evan Goldberg, the ying to Seth Rogen’s writing yang, the dialogue is crude at times, but biting and funny.

Papa withstanding, we laughed…a lot.

I don’t know if Goon will get a theatrical release, but check it out when you get a chance.  If you can, watch it with friends.  It is readily worthy of a 3.5 of 5 Horn high stick salute!  It’s short enough to get in and get out before it wears out its welcome.  Also, Alison Pill is quite stellar.  She was the red-haired drummer from Sex Bomb-Omb in Scott Pilgrim, she was Zelda Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris, and she was Anne Kronenberg in Milk….she is a beautiful chameleon!  Also, on a downer note, Eugene Levy is here, but its only a down note because his character is quite the straight man to his normal jokey dad role.

GONE
This film is not nearly as bad as they say it is.  Amanda Seyfried is quite convincing as the empowered damsel in distress.  Jennifer Carpenter has something of a cameo and for a few moments, she manages to channel Deb Morgan from Dexter, but otherwise she is just a character.

Seyfried is Jill, one year out from narrowly escaping from a serial killer, or so she says, but no one believes her.  Around the one year anniversary, she comes home from the night shift at an all-night diner, and her sister Molly is Gone.  She was studying for an exam, and has seemingly vanished without a trace.  Dash in a history of alcoholism and drug abuse, and Molly’s disappearance is potentially just a bender, so the coppers just don’t buy it.

What follows is an enjoyable detective-flick where the former victim Jill is the detective, weaving tales to the people who may have clues to where her sister is, with her prime theory that her former kidnapper mistakenly took her sister in her place, to finish the job from when she escaped.

Given that the police don’t believe there is a serial killer in the first place, they are a little less than helpful in her search for her sister.

The ending is a little fast in its delivery and while things are resolved to an acceptable level, the speed with which it delivers, almost makes you feel unrequited.  I forgive the ending for the enjoyable ride this film takes you on.  It’s not a super movie, its just a solid thriller.

If you’ve read the bad reviews, look past them and consider giving this a chance.  3.5 of 5 Horns for Gone.

PROJECT X
Check out the trailer for this, and you have seen all you need to see about whether or not you will like it.  It is geared towards the 15 to 25 year old range, but for the likes of old men like me, there is a draw.

You see, this movie exactly depicts how I recall through drunken eyes, some of the greatest nights of my college life.

It is produced by Todd Phillips and it is presented to some extent as a found footage film, but they really don’t work hard to keep up the facade that it clearly is a studio film.

I will say as this thing rounds home, I sat with my jaw dropped for the last 10 minutes of this rager.

4 of 5 Horns for stupid drunken fun from a life long past.  Granted this film is set in the high school realm, it gets a little ridiculous to consider that a residential neighborhood could contain this kind of madness.  It was much more clearly the type of debauchery that made the stuff of dreams along Route 1 in College Park, MD. Go Terps, baby, Go Terps!

That’s all for now…until later, here’s looking towards some brighter days filled with loads of worthy flicks!
Reel Rhino