I’ve been unemployed against my will for the past six weeks, yet not compelled to write about it. Unemployment is not inspiring – I’m really just a statistic. I am also one of millions that suffer from “occasional irregularity”, and you don’t see a lot of creative writing focused on that unfortunate topic either. I did receive my first unemployment check ever after over 20 years gainfully employed. Let me tell you – it is a great feeling to use something that I have been paying into yet receiving no benefits. I’m not sure where my family would be without it, and this is from a guy with a spotless work history and a useful graduate and postgraduate degree.

Getting laid off from my company was a lot like being dumped by a crack whore. Sure, maybe I worked too much and didn’t give you as much attention as you needed; Baby, that’s the least of your problems. No severance of course, although they did pay me for the entire day after being let go at 10am. Keeping your sanity during unemployment depends on two things – how bad you need the money, and how badly you need to keep busy. My family needs the money urgently, but I am enjoying working on school and entrepreneurial endeavors with impunity. Danger! Danger!

The UI system has been around since the Great Depression – another one of those controversial programs enacted during that time. Even before I hopped on the unemployment bandwagon I realized that there are many successful government programs in place that you, I or someone we love will rely on at various points in our lives. Therefore, I feel that we Americans must have damn good reason to oppose them. I demand that research and logic primarily be involved – call me crazy. No references to death panels, Jesus, Hitler, or stabbing babies – emotions and religion have played too large a part in our government for the last 8 years. Just because the man is black does not make him a socialist. He’s still wealthy, right?

Furthermore, if there is a hell I hope there is an especially humid level reserved for hypocrites. You know the ones – they vehemently oppose any government program yet gladly collect their social security and disability payments. They seem to be coming out of the woodworks lately. Many of these angry hypocrites are above middle age – why, exactly? This demographic should just shutting their mouths and thanking God every time their check cashes. Leave the protesting for people my age and younger who are going to have to pay the bills when you baby boomers retire.

I’m not saying government health care is the answer;  Just like Social Security, it will have long-term problems (understatement). However, anything is better than what we have in place now. As I’ve mentioned before, would you rather have a beancounter control your healthcare or some suit working aggressively to screw you over? Next time you witness a blowhard slamming his or her fist on a table while shouting down a government option, do us freeloaders a favor: research.

Allow me elaborate.

This information age has generated a lot of static. There are many issues you could lie awake at night worrying about, most of them on shaky ground. The H1N1 virus epidemic, the Amero, Jon and Kate, everything that comes out of Michele Bachman’s mouth – all unworthy if you are short of time. However, your government becoming the bitch of Big Business should be a genuine concern. Is that table-pounding, jowel-shaking octogenarian speaking for you or that suit he played golf with last week? My dream is that every C-SPAN title that tells you a government official’s name and party also has a acronym for his or her biggest donor. For example, Senator Mitch McConnell should be followed by “(R-KY-BI)”, as a Republican from Kentucky clearly in bed with the banking industry. This labeling is probably just a pipe dream, so check out campaignmoney.org and others about campaign financing. This article on the public healthcare reform is very interesting.

Larry Flynt talks some sense about bankers running the nation- I would venture to say that even scanjack would approve.

Before I pick up Thraxxus’ gauntlet and chuck it back at him, I have to express my giddy approval of the “Death Panels” to be enacted by Obama’s new health plan. Not only do I think they are a good idea, but we should enact them ASAP. I believe having appointed bureacrats decide who lives and who dies based on health conditions (physical or mental) would be a godsend at this point in time. Birthers, especially this obviously insane bag lady? Thumbs down. How about anyone who is dumb enough to scream “Keep your government hands off my Medicare!” in public? He or she is obviously unfit to live. Citizens who scream “We’re afraid of Obama!” and “Obama is a socialist!” in public, although his administration has shown zero justifications for these statements, should be considered Death Panel fodder. How about the wackjobs that think that the health plan actually includes death panels? While you are at it include anyone who still takes these wackjobs seriously. That would be ironic.

P.S. to the wackjobs: “death panels” already exist. Perhaps you’ve read about the various nightmares of customers being cutoff from their health insurance at inconvenient times. Private health insurers have one or more decision-makers whose entire job is to measure the cost of your treatment against the profits of keeping you as a customer. Later in life, how valuable do you think you are as a customer? Not very. The situation is insanely hypothetical, but you tell me: Would you rather have some faceless government official make this decision, or some company suit who receives fat bonuses based on how much profit he makes for his company?

Howdy reader! BB is getting together an NFL fantasy football league, probably ESPN.com. Email us at blinkinblogs@gmail.com with your team name and email address and we will get this thing going! These surely are dog days for sports – no NBA, who-gives-a-crap early MLB, and the NFL is just starting preseason. *SIGH*

My spouse and I have a lot of education, relative to our friends. For some reason, that makes them believe that we know what we really want to do in life. That could not be farther from the truth. In reality, except for doctors and lawyers, secondary education after four years is generally just procrastination and maybe something cool to hang on your wall. This is especially true now as MBAs serve you breakfast at IHOP. What really gets anyone anywhere in life is drive and ambition. What do I tell people who are desperate enough to ask me for advice? Unless you are super smart and/or starting your own business, just do what you enjoy. Throw your entire being into it, or get really good at faking it.

Faking enthusiasm is important in life – a survival instinct, in fact. Take for example a crazy successful singer who has never written his or her own songs. Cher or Celine Dion sing like their songs and the feelings expressed come from their heart and soul, although 99% of them were just paychecks. Singing convincingly about heartbreak although you are richer than God and you’ve been married to your manager for 15 years? That is a lot tougher than it looks. Myself, I couldn’t keep from rolling my eyes when I listen to Sarah Palin, even if I had a gun to my head. Needless to say, I did not earn the “Pretend I Care” merit badge in Boy Scouts.

Witness the Daily Show video below, about the epic battle of two companies over the rights to publish “pull my finger” apps for the iPhone:

Yes, you heard me right. If you listen carefully you will also hear “$10,ooo a day” and “number two application in the iPhone store” mentioned. That is indeed a lot of success for an app that produces a whoopie cushion noise with a fingerstroke. A lot more money has been made on dumber ideas, so that detail is unimportant. What really interested me was the professionalism that these men, especially Eric Stratton, describe their pointless creations. I don’t think Jarvik presented his artificial heart with this much pride. How can they possibly be this zealous about something so dumb? Who knows, but Eric Stratton had faith and is selling it like a cure for cancer discovered by Sean Connery that must now be protected by the evil corporations.

The recent parting of Billy Mays is another perfect example. When I first saw him, I actually thought he was just some guy who got recruited to be a pitchman. The awkward gestures, the staccato delivery – I thought he was just some assistant handyman dragged off set construction. Mays had actually been a salesman since 1996 (here is a brief but great article from Fortune magazine). Although he was essentially a self-secribed mercenary, he still realized that a salesman’s faith in the product is important in convincing people to buy in. How many times have you looked into a salesman’s eyes and wondered “He can’t really believe that, can he?”? I never thought that of Billy Mays.

I just finished watching the latest Harry Potter film, and I can tell you without reservations that the special effects were awesome. At least I vaguely remember them as being awesome. You know, the usual: a Quidditch match in the snow, Death Eaters swirling around, another cool form of speedy transportation, Draco suddenly looking as old as me, etc. Why am I unsure of the CGI’s snazziness? Because they were perfectly executed. I can’t remember the last time a movie implemented Hollywood wizardry so perfectly throughout a plot. Compare this to Transformers (the second of which I refuse to watch in a theater), where the robotic shenanigans hit you over the head over and over for over for what feels like six hours. Even the first movie was 30 minutes too long, and the sequel is even longer. Doesn’t Michael Bay know that the shorter the movie, the more showings you can cram into a Saturday and everyone makes more money? I don’t know if I should respect or laugh at his disregard for this common-known Summer blockbuster factoid.

So the difference between these F/X-heavy epics is story. Now you may be thinking “Well DUH”, but there is no underestimating the value of a good story. Potter is based on one of the most popular book series of all-time, the other is written by a cabal who had somewhere around six projects going at the same time yet got paid roughly $8million for the Transformers 2 story. Now I finally understand why Hollywood is pillaging everywhere else for ideas – classic movies, not-so-classics, books, video games, board games(!). Pay me that much and I would write “Chinatown”, or at least outsource to some starving literature student that could do a better job.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Review:

A good movie, probably one of the best theatrically. My favorite aspect of the Potter movies is that they are a who’s who of awesome British thespians. Keeping with the theme here comes Jim Broadbent, who never fails to disappoint. However, I am growing a little weary of the characters. I’m sure there will be some kind of revelation about Snape soon (I have not read the books), and I am looking forward to it. Until then, I never thought I’d tire of seeing Alan Rickman, but we have reached that point. Dumbedore is not far behind – I miss the growling Michael Gambon of “Layer Cake”. Rowling should just spin off the Luna Lovegood character into her own series, or write the screenplay. Her character, and the actress that plays her, is absolutely fascinating.