Archive | September, 2010

¿qué?

Posted on 29 September 2010 by Caravaggio

Concurrent with U.S. border states warning of violence spilling over from Mexico, a coalition of Mexican mayors recently met to decide that the “deportation of illegal immigrants who have been convicted of serious crimes in U.S. is contributing to border violence in Mexico”.

So let’s get this straight…

The majority of undocumented workers come from Mexico. This is a fact. So let us follow the theoretical path of someone named Mexican National “A”. “A” crosses illegally into the U.S. and commits a violent crime. As a society, we must spend money to capture, jail, convict, etc, Mexican National “A”. Additionally we get to bear the burden of the victims of Mexican National “A”‘s violent crime. At the end of his term, we FLUSH him back for whence he came… AND IT IS NOW THE U.S. WHO IS BEING BLAMED FOR THIS HUMAN PIECE OF FECES CAUSING TROUBLE IN MEXICAN NATIONAL “A”‘s OWN HOMELAND?

I agree with Stephen Hawkings. In order for the human race to survive itself, it must pioneer space. However, oftentimes I’m left thinking that “we” don’t really deserve surviving our self-created destiny. Furthermore, our human language is extremely arrogant and self-serving. When someone does something violent or idiotic, we describe that person as “behaving as an animal”. This is an offensive, ignorant idiomatic expression. Animals behave in accordance with their assembly code. The primary objective is survival. The secondary objective is securing DNA into the future. No animal behaves in such a way as to promote and then secure its own manifest with a dark fate. Nope, that is a role for “us”.

Therefore I propose we adopt a new idiom here. Instead of the Mexican Mayors behaving like animals, I submit to you that “the Mexican Mayors were behaving like normal humans”.

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Newsweek’s New World Order

Posted on 26 September 2010 by Thraxxus

I found this article to be infinitely fascinating. Caravaggio will rip it to shreds, but that doesn’t make it less fascinating, just questionable according to a verified snark. The picture at the top (which I have included), along with the title of the article, is what first caught my eye. The article doesn’t take the Conspiracy Theorist approach to big evil taking over the world but rather the concept of like minded people banding together into virtual tribes, so to speak. Enjoy.

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What the (insert sexual or excretory organ or activity here)?!?!

Posted on 23 September 2010 by Caravaggio


NOTICE: the following post contains language that you may or may not find taboo. However, it is important to understand that citing legal content is not illegal or using loopholes in said law. If you don’t have cable TV, never went to public school, was never a teen-ager or in the military, or consider yourself a practicing Evangelical – simple click here to redirect your browser to something less subjective to moral codification (disney.com).

For over several decades a loophole existed in the FCC Guidelines on Indecency. The definition of indecency was “material that describes or depicts sexual or excretory organs or activities.” Therefore, the utility of the word damn as in “quite damn retarded” is utilized to emphasize an exclamation, therefore not indecent. Not to allow this to continue to erode the moral fabric of America, the House of Representatives recently passed Resolution 3687 to amend the prior definition of indecency to include “profanity – with respect to language, shall include the words “shit”, “piss”, “fuck”, “cunt”, “asshole”, and the phrases “cock sucker”, “mother fucker”, and “ass hole”, compound use (inclusive of hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).

Unfortunately the Rocket Scientists elected to represent us forgot that the word fucking within the syntactic utility of “fucking brilliant” is an adverb which is shockingly absent from the very verbose and expansive resolution passed as the “Clean Airwaves Law”.

Fucking Brilliant!

Picture Attribution: www.b3ta.com

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Frankenfish!

Posted on 20 September 2010 by Thraxxus

This article made me chuckle – and think. Apparently some wacky geneticists decided that the best way to solve the food problem was to make bigger food – this time in the form of Salmon. Realize that in the past this has already been done on a rather grand scheme  – did you really think those tomatoes you bought at the store grew that big naturally? Compare them to the organic once 1/3 their size. Right.  Last week it was announced that the Beet farmers were no longer allowed to plant the genentically altered Round-Up beets, which will apparently devastate their yield – which in turn will devastate the sugar production in American as fully 1/2 of all sugar comes from Sugar Beets – but who cares and I digress.

Onto the Salmon – apparently these new super salmon grow bigger, faster and stronger. Whats the rub? The basic concern is that they will destroy their younger more natural relatives as well as nobody seems to know anything about what they could do to humans – if ingested. Thats right! Eating a Frankenfish (as they have been dubbed) could lead to lots of other problems. Who knows, maybe the meat is to rich!

Nothing is more exciting that when Humans play god.

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Feeling Helpless?

Posted on 19 September 2010 by Thraxxus

Often times in our lives we have these moments or time periods where we have a feeling of hopelessness or worthlessness. My father always says that whenever he feels like that the universe has an odd way of telling him to buck up little camper – usually this is done by a burn victim going by in a wheelchair showing him that he really doesn’t have it all that bad. This happens to be regularly as well. I am not religious per say, but it is those moments that make me wonder.

I say all of this because if you ever needed to be inspired this fellow’s recent accomplishment might just do that. He is a quadruple amputee who just swam across the English Channel. Realize that this is very hard to do if you have all your limbs and he did it with none. So really, what are you whining about?

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It’s a Gender Thing

Posted on 15 September 2010 by Thraxxus

I just finished reading this interesting article that tries to establish a set of criteria regarding men and women in the work place. The focal point of the article is business leadership, however the article speaks much more to the general nature of the genders and how their natural attributes can be both powerful tools and major detriments. I found a couple of quotes to be rather amusing:

  1. Other studies show that although male brains are about 10 percent larger than female brains, women have more nerve cells in the corpus callosum, or nerve fibers that link the hemispheres. So women tend to be faster at transferring data between the left (computational and verbal) and the right (intuitive and visual) brain. Men usually are stronger on left-brain skills. The result: Men really don’t often need to ask for directions. Women, besides being multitaskers, are more intuitive — that is, they’re swift at interpreting nonverbal, contextual cues.”
  2. “Women tend to value security to a greater degree than men do,” says Debra Burrell, a certified Mars-Venus psychotherapist in New York. “They’re more risk-averse and often wait for ‘permission’ before they venture into unknown territory. Women are conditioned to wait to receive, rather than to go out and take it.””
  3. Women are better listeners. Men typically prefer to provide answers rather than ask questions. As a result, men often offer solutions without fully grasping the problem or understanding exactly what prospects and customers want.”

Grain of salt and all that aside – funny stuff. Allow me to sum it all up. Men are focussed creatures with little to no thought regarding the feelings of those around them figuring that the natural system of work=reward will handle any and all possible grievances. Women are fantastic multi-taskers who are incapable of singular thought and value relationships to get the business where it needs to go – oh yeah – they also lack the initiative to do practically anything without permission (I don’t buy that).

I agree with the multitasking part – completely – however I have noted that ability that makes women so special compared to men can also be their biggest challenge. For instance – Men can think about only one thing, and thus it is easy for Men to turn their brains off; contrarily women think of lots of stuff at once and thus have a tough time turning their brains off.

Of course that could just be a penis thing.

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Apologies that mean nothing.

Posted on 13 September 2010 by Thraxxus

This observation may show you just how much of a snarky, callous ass I really am. Apparently Japan just apologized for the Bataan Death March.  Don’t get me wrong here, I get the sentiment behind the apology – you know – we are all one big happy family now right? Oh and sorry for starving 11,000 of your buddies to death – gosh oops. Here is the thing though – the people doing the apology aren’t actually the people that committed the act, and though that might seem to be inconsequential – to me its not.  Although Bob raped you, I am the one apologizing. What?

Furthermore what does an apology do for people who were tortured or murdered by those who are apologizing? Yeah yeah, sentiment right? The heart felt part is there, but does that undo the pain? I bring this up because more and more people who didn’t actually do something, their anscestors did, are apologizing to people, in many instances not even the victims but the decendents of the victims, for things done to them. Consider slavery – something that in the history of the world is terrible, and in the history of the USA nightmarish. Everyone who was ever a slave in the USA is dead. Everyone that ever owned slaves is dead. Yet people are still apologizing for it. Was it terrible? Of course. Can we apologize to those it happened to or take back what was done? No. So how are we really helping anything by constantly apologizing to people who were never actually slaves themselves? (Here is where the ACLU calls us a series of names having completely missed the point of my observation)

Consider something even grander: A few years back the Catholic Church apologized for the Crusades – you know the “Christian” invasion of the Holy Land (The Middle East – Jerusalem to be specific)  all those years ago. Well the Crusades were actually started by the Catholic Church – so they finally, hundreds of years later, got around to publicly acknowledging the fact and apologized for it. Gee thanks. The people who were on the receiving end of the Crusades thank you for your apology – or do they? Oh thats right they’ve been gone for centuries. So who is to gain then? At this point I believe the only person who gains here is the one doing the apologizing.

Think this through – My grandfather did something bad to your grandfather. They are both now dead. So I, very publicly, make a grand gesture by saying, officially I might add, gee I am really sorry that happened. There is this moment of silence – you do the only gracious and classy thing that you can do and you say – “Thanks. My grandfather would have appreciated that.” I smile, turn to the cameras and say ‘Now, are there any questions?” ChaChing – publicity. What a saint am I.

You know what we could do in the future? Just stop doing things to each other that require apologies later – of course that would make the world a boring place.

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The Media is to Blame

Posted on 10 September 2010 by Thraxxus

If you have been paying any attention to world news recently you will have heard about the idiot pastor Terry Jones who plans to burn the Quran, or several of them, on September the 11th – the Anniversary of the Two Towers getting knocked down by some hijacked airplanes. Realize that what I am about to say has absolutely nothing to do with any faith of any kind. The situation is entirely the fault of mass media. Why say that? Simple.

Pastor Jerry Jones is the head of a 50 person church in Gainesville Alabama. Fifty people, thats it. There are 7 billion people in the world. There are over a billion Muslims. Why bring this up? This idiot has been given international attention for burning the holy book of another religion. I realize that it is not cool to do so, and in Islam it is considered sacrilegious – I agree with this perspective – but we must consider one fact here that people just aren’t addressing: this guy is a media whore. His church sucks. It is tiny. It is nondescript. He has, in the grand scheme of things, next to zero followers. The ONLY reason this walking bio hazard has been given any notice whatsoever was due to Main Stream Media thinking that this is a story that would enrage the masses and thus sell papers. Guess what? It worked.

This negligle piss ant actually got a call from the President of the United States of America. Think about that. This complete waste of skin who is doing little more than a media stunt bent on upping his own ego has been artificially inflated to some ridiculous level of power through the use of crap media and marketing. I say marketing because let’s be honest – that is what this is – the marketing of fear. Once again we are marketing fear and hatred to the masses to stir them up. What a pathetic race we have become to allow this.

My heart, truly, goes out to the followers of Islam. I have many friends that are part of this faith and I respect every single one of them and their right to believe what they like. It has already been pointed on on MSM that many Muslims are changing their own holy day to respect the losses many suffered on 9/11. Think about that. Muslims are pushing aside their own religious beliefs out of respect for others? This is all so tragic.

All that said – the best way to battle a mindless media gutterslut like Terry Jones is to not give him any attention at all – if this is not done then others will follow – other worthless self hating pieces of crap. With any luck his next media stunt will include him lighting himself on fire. If there is a Hell I hope that Pastor Jones finds it and jumps in with both feet.

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BullSh!t – Penn & Teller

Posted on 09 September 2010 by Caravaggio

Penn and Teller’s program, Bullsh!t is a personal favorite. In the link above, you’ll see a great example of the vaccination vs. anti-vaccination debate for children.

Obviously, I trust the omnipotent wisdom of a former playboy bunny when it comes to deciding if I’ll protect my children’s lives… so take Penn and Teller with a grain of salt. Recently I saw an interview with her boy toy, Jim Carey. Yeah, I always knew that just because you’re on TV that this makes you a genius. He could barely pronounce the polysyllabic word “vack-sin-a-tion”. Bright guy. Yes, those two should definitely be the face of the anti-vaccination bullshit. I believe it sums up this crap nicely.

The pharmaceutical companies are in cahoots with the CDC! Beware the scary inoculations! Boo!

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Chris Hedges Calls It

Posted on 07 September 2010 by Thraxxus

The RealNews network did an interview of one Chris Hedges, his bio I have supplied below. His credentials are pretty good for someone making the statements he makes. I agree with almost everything he says minus the phrase “Liberal Class” which to me makes next to no sense. Perhaps I am an idiot though. the interview is well worth watching. I do like how quickly he sums up the events that have happened in recent times that are not very Joe American Citizen oriented. I really enjoyed how he said that Obama was a brand.

“Chris Hedges, whose column is published Mondays on Truthdig, spent nearly two decades as a foreign correspondent in Central America, the  Middle East, Africa and the Balkans. He has reported from more than 50 countries and has worked for  The Christian Science Monitor, National Public Radio, The Dallas Morning News and The New York Times, for which he was a foreign correspondent for 15 years. He has written nine books, including “Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle” (2009), “I Don’t Believe in Atheists” (2008) and the best-selling “American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America” (2008). His book “War Is a Force That Gives Us Meaning” (2003) was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for Nonfiction.”

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Sinfest….Best Web Comic Out There!

Posted on 06 September 2010 by Kenfu

Sinfest is just the best web comic out there and I’ve been thoroughly entertained since 2001 when I discovered it. Tatsuya Ishida’s humor is top notch and he consistently puts out a comic every day. With a myriad of Character’s from Slick – the main protaginst, Monique, God, the Devil, Criminey, Squigly and Lil’ Evil, he keeps his comic fresh and witty. He even has a neat little epigram over his name everyday. This comic has replaced the void Calvin and Hobbes created when it left the comic scene. His topics are mature oriented and snarky at times! Check it out and enjoy!

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Stupid Neighbor Series

Posted on 04 September 2010 by Caravaggio


So… after a somewhat brief absence allow me to post another story regarding my neighbors. Heretofore, this particular taxonomy of post should be readily identifiable as “Caravaggio’s Encounters with Neighbors” Series. Prior articles have included my intervening in my neighbor’s allowing their children to vandalize other’s properties while awaiting the school bus as well as general medical advice offered to neighbors specific to information about applying spray pesticides is contraindicated for not wearing a shirt, long pants, and gloves. In summation, one shouldn’t wear only shorts and flip-flops while applying a chemical known as a genetic mutagen.

Back story: My current residence is situated within a common middle class suburb. Based on prior postings, you’ve come to understand that I won’t/don’t shy away from “educating” my neighbors. In staying within the charter of Blinkinblogs (read: snarky), I must state that my neighbors aren’t truly retarded as in Down ’s syndrome… but normal by current day standards. Which is meant to insinuate that they are simply caveperson-like stupid. Really stupid… otherwise known as an “average Americans”.

Fast-forward to this morning and yours truly is outside attending to his landscaping when I see my neighbor in a state of frantic panic. Upon review of presented evidence, I begin to understand that this average (meaning “f’ing dumb”) lady is upset due to “losing her poodle”. Feeling frisky, I actively intervene in the performance being played out 50 yards to the north of me. “Oh my gosh… what is going on?” I sarcastically state. Her reply was offered in full drama queen fashion…”I’ve…lost…pookey!”. “Really?”, I say… “And you let her out in the front yard?”. “Yes” came the reply.

Brace yourself, dear reader, for Caravaggio clears his lungs and begins his “tutorial”…

”I’ve noticed you’ve put in a fenced back yard this summer. I bet that cost a pretty-penny. Yet you seem determined to allow an animal whose pre-determined DNA-level “assembly code” reinforces behaviors, such as, exploring, to leave your home without any type of geographic-based restraints. Put another way, you have a fenced-in backyard, yet you allow your dog to go out into the unfenced, open front yard. Based on my observations, this is due to the fact that your couch is closer to the front door that the back door. So one can only conclude that allowing your dog outside in the front yard is more convenient to you or your husband than having to walk across the living room through the kitchen and opening the backdoor to the enclosed backyard. Now… let’s consider a simple arithmetic problem here. The 30 seconds you save by utilizing the front door is now put your dear poodle at risk. From what I see now, you are beginning to jump in your SUV and go searching for dear Pookey. So… based on the discount of 30 seconds, you are now willing to expend X amount of time attempting to retrieve your beloved pet. On top of that, you are using a 2 ton-vehicle that is transporting only you on a trip of undetermined length. What now is the cost to every single living thing on this planet? Oh, so based on your facial expression, you didn’t understand the last comment. You…(pause for effect)… are using a fucking oversized internal combustion-driven truck to go driving aimlessly around looking for a dog that could’ve simply gone into the enclosed backyard. Now you are leveraging 10 miles per gallon, spewing exhaust, all the while driving emotionally-unstable. Hell, we are all at risk… not just Pookey! All of this is caused on your estimation of convenience. All of this based on laziness. Do you understand what you are doing in this life?”

At that she got into her Ford Expedition and drove north. The funny thing is, Pookey was enjoying sniffing around my rain barrel on the side of my house and was safe the entire time.

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The Zombie America Political Party

Posted on 02 September 2010 by Thraxxus

Blinkinblogs would like to officially announce the creation of the Zombie America Political Party, ZAPP for short. We are not terribly thrilled with the Political parties that exist right now as most make next to zero sense – thus we felt it was necessary to create our own party that best wrapped up our beliefs under a singular, mind numbing umbrella. As a prospective member you may want to know what our core party values are, so here they are:

  1. Like a Zombie, a stead fast, non wavering belief in freedom. Zombies need to be able to feed whenever and wherever they like, and that requires the freedom to do so.
  2. A mindless devotion to honesty. Zombies never lie, and neither should our members.
  3. A ravenous thirst for the blood of life – family values! Zombies move in packs, and are more successful as such, and thus believe that a core family is important to the well being of all ZAPP members.
  4. ZAPP is totally against corruption in all forms. Zombies cannot be bought off in any fashion – we stick to our primary goal at all times – to feed on the all that life has to offer.
  5. Say what you mean. Zombies rarely speak out so when they do it needs to be open, honest, direct, and what is meant to be heard.
  6. Solve the problem at hand, not what your constituents want you to do. A Zombie needs to get through a door to feed, break down that door we say! It is the problem.
  7. What you do in the privacy of your own house is your business. As long as it hurts nobody it is your business.
  8. Freedom of speech – again Zombies don’t talk much thus when we get around to doing it we should be allowed to do so.
  9. No taxation without representation! Zombies may not have lots of cash and thus what little we do have we like to know where it is going to use.
  10. Equality for all – period. None of this “equality when it serves me best” garbage. Everyone is equal, no matter the situation. Military Draft. College applications. Job and career applications. Salary. Equal.

We will supply updates on the party’s position as often as we have them.

Vive Le ZA! Vive Le ZAPP! When it doubt ZAPP it out!

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Recording Cops is Illegal?

Posted on 01 September 2010 by Thraxxus

Apparently in something like 12 states it is against the law to record anyone “without their knowledge” – in fact it is a felony. Why is this an issue? In recent times the Police in those states are arresting people and charging them with a felony for recording the Police. This seems okay as it is against the law in those states to do so – however there is a rub. It is not against the law for the police to record anyone in those states – so the cops can record you doing whatever but it is against the law for you to do the same thing back. I have a problem with this – as do lots of other people.

A bit about me – I believe in equality – but real equality, not the sort of crap where someone wants equality only when  it serves them best. I want true equality – a draft? Women are on the list. Income – women definitely should be paid the same as men. Race should NEVER be a consideration for anything. You get where you are going on merit alone. It is what you know, not who you know. Everything equal – that way nobody has the right or ground to stand on to bitch about inequality. Granted I know my perspective is a ridiculous pipe dream, but what can I say, I am a mental plumber.

So when I heard about this on NPR this morning I got sort of irritated. The story focussed on this idiot who was trying to get arrested. Consume that for a moment. Yes, trying to get arrested. His intent had nothing to do with the recording law – instead he was trying to get arrested over some other law that he didn’t agree with, tape it, and use said tape as an Ah-HAH! moment. Turns out he was arrested for a misdemeanor, but when said tape showed up the small charges got dropped and now he has felony charges and faces 4-15 years in prison. Consume that for a moment.

For using a recording device he could go to prison for longer than someone who used a gun in a crime. This means that in some parts of our country people think that recording devices are more dangerous that guns. Now why would that be? Let us consider the Rodney King incident whereby a bunch of cops did batting practice on Mr. King’s head with their batons. Had said videographer who had taped the event known about the law, and had he been deterred from taping said event because of it, then police brutality like that would not have come to light and thus would have continued. Don’t get me wrong here, to his own admission, Mr. King was no saint, but using his head as a baseball was well over the top for anyone.

My main run though is the equality thing – if someone is allowed to do something I am not I get irate – and if there is an actual law against me doing it, but its cool for someone else to do it because, for some unknown reason, they are outside the law – I get really pissed. So my conclusion? Don’t talk to cops at all. Don’t answer their questions – technically by law you don’t have to. Catch being here of course that not answering a cops questions will most likely get you detained if not arrested, however it also prevents said cop from getting a situation where he can use his right to record everything you say, and you cannot do the same back. If you didn’t know this then you are in serious trouble – most cop cars now have video cameras in them that run at every stop, and often times during the officer’s entire shift – thus be default you are being recorded – just don’t do it back. That traffic ticket you were going to get could get turned into a felony that lands you in prison and will definitely mess up your life FOREVER.

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