Archive | March, 2009

Manbabies

Posted on 31 March 2009 by Five0ClockCharlie

WTF?

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Pat Sajak or Billy Mays?

Posted on 31 March 2009 by GlazednConfused

I was forced to watch the Wheel of Fortune a couple weeks ago for the first time in probably a decade (except for funny clips, of course). If you haven’t watched it in years, you are in for a shock. Wheel of Fortune was always one of the dumbest game shows on television, if not unapologetically so. But my Lord when did it turn into one long infomercial?

I am not exaggerating even the slightest. I got stuck watching a couple times, each one was during a theme. Both were the worst kind of commercial tripe. When I watched back in the day, they would mention the brand of car you won or maybe where you would be staying during your vacation. Looking back, that was sadly quaint. Not only do they do that, but they have actual logos on the wheel itself. You cringe when a contestant wins a vacation, because that prompts a full-length commercial for some desperate resort. Furthermore, the Sea World theme show was gawddawful – they took every damn opportunity to show a water mammal and the Sea World logo. This includes before and after commercial breaks. You heard me right – they had commercials on top of commercials. You may wonder how the producers even have time for the weak-ass puzzles, but the answer is nefarious: the puzzles are even shorter and easier than ever. It amazed me how fast they whizzed through them, even when morons insisted on buying a vowel although the solutions were obvious. Do they not know the meaning of the word “buy”?

You know the above clip where Sajak looks embarrassed trying to shove the Snoop Dogg wannabe into a car? That was his permanent expression during the Sea World and Hilton Waikoloa Village theme shows that lasted four weeks each for crissakes. I know he’s getting paid, but wow did he look uncomfortable petting whales or telling Vanna to “be quiet now” when she wouldn’t shut up about the nuts she was eating. I like to think Pat is better than this, but Vanna seems proud up there flaunting her unique style. She is over 50 years-old and has been in the limelight for over 27 years, yet even her Wikipedia page can not generate any meaningful accomplishments. She did “write” an autobiography, which even Miley Cyrus can accomplish after 15 years. Hell she doesn’t even have to flip letters now, just point in the general direction.

Wheel of Fortune has always been the Sara Palin to Jeopardy’s Lara Logan (Excuse me for taking every opportunity to mention that goddess). The gap now could not be wider, and bless Alex Trebek and Co. No embarrassing promos or themes, no “What is Outback Steakhouse’s Bloomin’ Onion?” answers, no winning morons, no compromises of which I am aware. They filmed at CES, which is cool with me. I still can only answer half the questions. Contrast that with Wheel of Fortune when I smack my forehead more often than not.

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Legos are still the best toys ever.

Posted on 30 March 2009 by Thraxxus

And when a brilliant team uses legos to make m agic, it is even better. Enjoy.

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6 Feet from the Edge

Posted on 29 March 2009 by Thraxxus

I have woken up with this damn song stuck in my head several times now. Consequently I am going to stick it in your head. Fuggin Creed.

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Mass Effect 2

Posted on 28 March 2009 by Enigma

Ooohhhh yea!

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Proof that 80s Movies were JUST THAT BAD.

Posted on 28 March 2009 by Thraxxus

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare – fitting title for shit.

Here is an article on the craptacular film. I was going to post this on Friday, but we already inundated you all with interweb film – so here is your saturday fix.

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More Fluff than the Set of a Ron Jeremy Movie

Posted on 27 March 2009 by GlazednConfused

Adding on to Thrax’s “Just a Friend” Biz Markie post, I present probably the greatest cover of “Bennie and the Jets” ever. First, the original classic cut:

Now, the Biz Markie/Beastie Boys version:

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What is Best in Life?

Posted on 27 March 2009 by guybehindtheguy

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You Cant Touch This on Friday

Posted on 27 March 2009 by Five0ClockCharlie

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Quoting a Friend

Posted on 27 March 2009 by Thraxxus

Yesterday I was having lunch with some friends and the topic of conversation made its way over to the lady who recently had octuplets. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: You know she had 6 kids prior. That makes 14 kids. Who the fuck wants 14 kids? Furthermore, she is on welfare, and has been for quite some time.

Billy: The thing that gets me is she was a stripper. 

Me: No!

Billy: Totally! Got out of it after “one night” because she didn’t realize that as a stripper she had to do lap dances.

Me: Tard. Have you guys heard about this religion, some Christian offshoot, called the Quivers Full Society, team or whatever, who believes that you should have as many children as you can so that you can take over the world?

Bob: Nutbags.

Me: One lady has had 19 biologics already. Let’s talk about her uturus for a second – WTF is left of it?

Bob: Only way to describe that thing – Clown Car.

The visual made me spew liquid. I can envision a doctor looking down into her neather regional maw, pulls out a baby, thinks he is done and another steps out. Then another. And Another. Reminds me of these folks.

Clown Car is a keeper.

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Those Wacky Brits

Posted on 26 March 2009 by Thraxxus

The film totally speaks for itself.

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My Current Favorite Comic Strip Series

Posted on 26 March 2009 by GlazednConfused

Pearls Before Swine

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These Guys Rule – Dragon Slayers

Posted on 26 March 2009 by Thraxxus

I don’t know who they are but someone needs to fund them so they can make a full length feature. Talent of this magnitude is not to be wasted.

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Wanted ‘Weapons of Fate’

Posted on 26 March 2009 by Enigma

OK so when I am sick I like to sit on the couch break out the 360 control and usually play a game that involves a lot of death. So Wanted ‘Weapons of Fate’ seemed like the perfect under the weather pick me up I needed. I quickly dragged my ass out to the local GameStop (yes I know I am a sell out to evil) to pick-up a copy. After dinner I cracked open the hermetically sealed game container (Man I really wish they would not use so much crap to seal these things). After my unwrapping session, I quickly went to work learning how to kill things by curving bullets. To be fair this part of the game is really cool, and I really hope assuming there is no strange IP thing we see this effect in more FPS games. Once the game started up I have to say that I loved the detailed textures in the levels, and I thought the first few levels were well done and helped to train you in the different features of the game. Well done guys… Also I have to say the auto save check points are put at very good intervals which tells me the game spent a fair amount of time in QA.

Wow Enigma that sounds like a great game… I’m going to go out and buy it…. Well wait just a moment. These are my impression of the 1st hour of the game. Now after the 1st hour of game play some things started to tick me off. The game is on rails (yes I am referring to linear progress, lack of freedom, not automated motion) normally I am a little forgiving of FPS/story games that have this however the levels are very pretty and give the illusion you could explore when you just run into crappy walls, road blocks you could step over. This also really limits your options in tactics forcing you to curve bullets for an entire hour of game play… ok the feature I once liked is now really annoying. Boss battles are a joke, the game has no difficulty progression, you fight the same character models for the entire game, and overall the game levels started to get repetitive; 1.) Start level 2.) Find cover 3.) Curve bullets to kill guys 4.) Move to new cover. 5.) Kill boss without breaking a sweat.

Before I wrap up the review with my recommendations I thought it fair to tell you that while playing this game I was very sick and on a lot of pain killers, and other drugs that kept me pretty doped up. That being said I was doped up and still beat the game (yes start to finish) in 2 hours. That is a cost per hour of entertainment of approximately $30 as the game cost me $60 + tax. Now this is HORRIBLE. I expect from a video game to get at the very least 15 hours of solid single player game play from an FPS with multiplayer action (oh yea this game has no multiplayer), 20-25 from a platform title, 30-50 hours from a RPG. Anything less than that and the game play must be exceptional form me to feel as if I got value from it. This game was a total waste of money for me as I am not one that is likely to replay the game with the new “character models” that I unlocked when the game play is exactly the same.

My recommendation; let it collect dust on the shelf or gamefly it.

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Robotech the Movie

Posted on 26 March 2009 by Thraxxus

I may have talked about this before, and if I have I am sorry – I am old so deal with it. Robotech was a cartoon that was first created in Japan in the magical mystical animation style of Anime (the Paper version being Manga). The show was released in the USA in the early eighties by Harmoney Gold via a guy named Carl Macek, whom I have met and is an egomaniacal shit on a level that rivals William Shatner – seriously it was at the only Comic Con I ever attended and still remember him going on about how lucky the USA is that he exists.

In my previous rantings, if there actually were any (might help if I read the site I write for sometimes, or stopped drinking vodka from a straw) I might have mentioned that Robotech, much akin to The Transformers, is being made into a live action film. When I first heard this I did a boyhood “BADASS!” as with technology for movies being what it is, the film could truly kick major booty. But not all was as it seemed. The first actor they signed to play the lead role of Rick Hunter, dude of asian decent, was Toby McGuire. Don’t get me wrong, I like Toby, but why is it that whenever Hollywood gets their hands on a script, story, or book they seem to want to change it. Sure the guy’s nationality may not be a big deal, but it was a big part of the story. So I thought on it a bit. Rick hunter was asian right? Then I realized, shit I don’t really know. He had the wicked cool sticking 5-feet off your head in random directions Anime style hair, and he was not the biggest dude ever, so maybe he was. Of course he called Roy Fokker his big brother, and Roy is Germanic. Whatever.

So Toby McGuire. Turns out he is PRODUCING the film as well. Who knew he was a fan? And if he is not I officially hate him. Given Toby it makes me wonder who is going to play the other major roles? Minmei is most certainly Japanese, so if they swap her our with some blond girl I am going to lose it. She needs to be a petite Japanese girl, period. Read her name for pete’s sake – Minmei – that is not Californian for DUDETTE. What other atrocities could await us? I have no idea, but I am very interested in what this could become – both good and bad. The crew over at scificool.com cover it pretty good. I also included a video some dude made on youtube.com about who he thought the actors should be.

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A vision of death

Posted on 25 March 2009 by Enigma

Last night while coughing so hard my eyes stopped working, and nearly losing consciousness I had a moment to reflect upon one of my favorite movie scenes.

I can only assume I relate to this scene at this very moment because at this very moment I can actually see how horrible of a death TB is. All though I am sure I do not have TB I rather just have a horrible case of pneumonia. My symptoms were so sever last night all I could think about was how Doc Holliday spent his last moments lying in a bed; I am sure this is a high fever lack of sleep induced rant but enjoy the clip anyway.

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Hitler Youth Corp – Really? Uh-huh…

Posted on 24 March 2009 by scanjack

File this under “While we distracted the public with Bankster Bailouts.”

The United States House of Representatives passed HR-1388 – “Generations Invigorating Volunteerism and Education Act” or GIVE Act (which if you read the bill it is really “Give Mandatory Service Act”) – by a vote of 321 to 105.  Really? Yes, really. It’s on the Senate calendar now.

But wait, there’s more! In case you don’t off hand recall this part of the U.S. Constitution:

The First Amendment reads as follows: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

On March 18, Rep. George Miller, a Democrat from California, tacked an amendment on to HR-1388 which “prohibit organizations from attempting to influence legislation; organize or engage in protests, petitions, boycotts, or strikes; and assist, promote, or deter union organizing,” which is reported at Govtrack.us.

Main stream media has reported Obama policy similar to Hitler’s very own policies. Awesome, really just fantastic.

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John Mellencamp – Bitter Old Bastard with Valid Points

Posted on 24 March 2009 by GlazednConfused

People Mellencamp

The artist formerly known as John Cougar recently posted on The Huffington Post, and he sure is pissy. Nonetheless, he provided a decent history of the record business and how it went horribly wrong. It is hard to take the man seriously, especially since all I can ever think about is how GM drilled “Our Country” into my gawdamned skull the NFL season before last. Also, a coworker of mine used to say that he disliked any artist that claimed to be a “savior of the working class”, The Boss included. That idea sort of stuck with me, especially when it comes to Springsteen. When a musician of that type gets successful and relatively (or very) wealthy, do they remain a channel for working-class struggles or turn into just another Hollywood actor? That thought briefly troubles me until I stumble across “Small Town” or “Thunder Road” on my Zune, and then all is well again.

Anywhoo, Mellencamp makes some good points, one of which is regarding how country music rules the flyover states. I thought it was some kind of misguided inborn obsession with steel guitars, but alas not at first. I didn’tknow that new methods for measuring a record’s success drove music companies into the major cities and away from the flyover states. That left the the door open for a relatively “niche” music category that appealed to hick sensibilities. Too bad it got too big for its britches and desperately sprawled into the big cities – what other excuse do we have for this country-pop-crossover garbage? Shania may be scorching hot, but I blame her.

Furthermore, Cougar’s view of CD technology is interesting, and mirrors what is going on with Blu-Ray DVDs today. The Powers that Be are trying to cram this new technology down our throats although most of us will get very little intrinsic improvements. You have to have a kickass television, dvd player, and expensive cables. Also, the picture is often unrealistic to the point of surreality. Watch a sporting event on High-Def – the colors are often glaring and cartoonish. Sure, I can see their sweat but why? Plus the yellows and reds just fry my corneas.

Too bad Johnny’s call for “compassion must replace name-calling, fairness must replace greed and we need to come together as a musical community and try to understand each other’s problems” is a pipe dream. Maybe if we download and share enough MP3s to completely break the system, but I’m not holding my breath. The most recent indicator was the obscene $100million contract for the washed-up version of Madonna. That is a sure sign of commercialism over quality. Also, if the Live Nation/Ticketmaster merger goes through, every band not at U2-levels or bigger will be boned.

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PROOF!!

Posted on 23 March 2009 by Thraxxus

Finally, Blinkinblogs.com has uncovered proof of the New World Order. PREPARE YOURSELVES.

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Stewie Loves Everyone.

Posted on 23 March 2009 by Thraxxus

I love the Family guy.

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Our Government at its Best.

Posted on 23 March 2009 by Thraxxus

Last year our government, in a bid to “bail out” big business, decided that it was a good idea to fork over 700 billion dollars to failing companies and banks as according to the Government, if they failed then the rest of the economy would go with them. What was the money spent on? How did it go? Was there any nefarious activities by anyone? In all seriousness I don’t have the time to cover everything. Instead I will suply you with a couple quick examples:

1) Regarding Paulson, the guy who wrote the bill – “There was concern that the current plan created a conflict of interest for Paulson. Paulson was a former CEO of Goldman Sachs, which stood to benefit from the bailout. Paulson has hired Goldman executives as advisors and Paulson’s former advisors have joined banks that were also to benefit from the bailout. Furthermore, the original proposal exempted Paulson from judicial oversight. Thus there was concern that former illegal activity by a financial institution or its executives might be hidden.”

2) Regarding how the money was tracked- A December 31, 2008 Associated Press article stated, “Government officials overseeing a $700 billion bailout have acknowledged difficulties tracking the money and assessing the program’s effectiveness.” Furthermore – “A January 29, 2009 article from bloomberg.com stated, “Bloomberg News asked the Treasury Department Jan. 26 to disclose what securities it backed over the past two months in a second round of actions to prop up Bank of America Corp. and Citigroup Inc. Department spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter said Jan. 27 she would seek an answer. None had been provided by the close of business yesterday.”

3) Was it a good set of investments? – On February 5, 2009, Elizabeth Warren, chairperson of the Congressional Oversight Panel, told the Senate Banking Committee that during 2008, the federal government paid $254 billion for assets that were worth only $176 billion.

4) But the money spent wisely by those who received it righ!?!?! – “Bailout recipients spent $114 million on lobbying and campaign contributions in 2008” AND “A February 2, 2009 ABC News article titled, “Bailed Out Bank of America Sponsors Super Bowl Fun Fest” stated that Bank of America sponsored a Super Bowl event at a five star resort in Palm Beach, which was described as “… a five day carnival-like affair… 850,000 square feet of sports games and interactive entertainment attractions for football fans…” Although the bank refused to answer ABC News’ questions about the cost of the event, a confidential source told ABC that the cost was approximately $10 million.”

5) But it was all spent on good stuff….. right? MMMM no. In fact “For instance, Citigroup Inc, which received $50 billion in Troubled Asset Relief Program funds, made an $8 billion December loan, not to an American entity, but to a Dubai public sector company, according to a newly released Monday memo by Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH), chairman of the House Domestic Policy Subcommittee.” 

Oh and read this.

What’s the point? Obama, Bush, its really whatever. The plan has been flawed from the get go, and it will not fix these companies. Hold on tight kiddies, it is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.

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Hot Chicks and Ice Cream

Posted on 21 March 2009 by Five0ClockCharlie

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WTF is Twitter

Posted on 20 March 2009 by Five0ClockCharlie

Simply put its a social bloggy netowky thingy

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My Theme Song

Posted on 20 March 2009 by Enigma

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Zlad and his lil space rocket

Posted on 20 March 2009 by Five0ClockCharlie

ENJOY

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