Archive | November, 2008

Inflation a true story

Posted on 29 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

As told by the duck tales.

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A-F’n-Men!

Posted on 26 November 2008 by Thraxxus

I give you the greatest observations in the last 40 years.

 

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True fan or waste of time?

Posted on 25 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

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A Quote for today.

Posted on 25 November 2008 by Thraxxus

MoMajic just sent me this quote. I think he maybe trying to tell us something.

“The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public  assistance.”   Cicero – 55 BC

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Marketing Failure

Posted on 24 November 2008 by Thraxxus

Just wow.This ad showed up on BlinkinBlogs.com this morning via GoogleAdsense. Take a quick gander at it. I cannot properly express my feelings about the ad thus I will merely point out what is wrong with it, and that someone should be fired for it.

  • The Lady in the Before picture appears to be of a darker complexion, perhaps of African Decent, whereas the lady in the second picture is of lighter complexion, most like European decent. Are we to believe that the product in question not only assists with weight loss but also removes pigment?
  • The Lady in the first tab weighs much more than 12 lbs more than the lady in the second image.
  • The breasts of the two women do not match at all.
  • One could conclude that these are not in fact the same person – if it is then this company has borderline miracle drugs on their hands.

What does this tell us about marketing? Well at least in this instance this company just didn’t care. They didn’t care about perception. They didn’t care about the intellect level of their audience. They certainly didn’t care about a potential law suit.

I have said several times in the past that it is my opinion that marketing is ruining the human race, this particular ad sort of sums up my argument. Not only did they not have the honesty it takes to use the same person in the ad(maybe they didn’t have a real test subject?!?!) but they also didn’t care to even match the two in any visual way whatsoever. I have seen some ads where the people used aren’t the same person, but at least they somewhat resembled each other. In this instance it is so badly done that I can only conclude they did it on purpose. For shame.

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Starfleet spamalot

Posted on 23 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

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Good Cop Baby Cop

Posted on 19 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

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Jean Claude Van Douchebag

Posted on 18 November 2008 by Thraxxus

The interview I am copying can be found here. It is like the dude just never got it.

He spoke to Sarah Ball:

What are you doing in Thailand?
I’ve been in the cutting room all night, working on a new film I’m directing called “Full Love.”

How s it coming?
Good. You go through that certain depression because the actors are all leaving, but they’re there now with me in the cutting room.

Why did you want to make a film that comments on your own life?
I made this just to show some of the internal side of J.C.V.D., in a way. He’s a guy, a normal guy from Belgium with dreams, and I did well in that type of path. At the age of 47, to take chances and go back to Europe and be talking to some studios there, I’m showing them that I believe I’m good quality.

There s a monologue in the film about being a washed-up action star. Did you improvise that?
I like structure—like driving: go past the school on the street, stay on the right side, no hitting the car, go in right, you’ll see a big church, stop and take a left, and you’ll have it. By doing this I’m giving a structure of life, a path of light, and showing what happens between me and me, which is something very beautiful.

Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you ve no regrets at all?
Believe me—I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?

I m 22.
Oh, f–––. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don t know. When is it?
I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

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TMQ with TMI

Posted on 18 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

Tuesdays on ESPN.com, Gregg Easterbrook writes the “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” column, which is often tedious, rambling, and so undiluted as to be almost insurmountable. Nonetheless, his sports insight can be entertaining, but what I find interesting is that includes just as much non-sports commentary that is often smarter. An example from his latest:

Why Are Taxpayers Paying Lavish Bonuses to Retain the People Who Screwed Up AIG?

American International Group, the insurance giant that has swallowed $152 billion in federal subsidies in just a few months, “plans to pay $503 million in deferred compensation to some of its top employees, saying it must tap the funds to keep valuable workers from exiting the troubled insurance giant,” Carol Leonnig of The Washington Post reported a few days ago. I suspect all the gold being shoveled to AIG is a colossal blunder by the George W. Bush administration. Money to reinforce Fannie Mae or to buy stock in banks may or may not be a wise decision, but at least there is accountability regarding where the funds end up. The money being shoveled to AIG is simply vanishing — AIG isn’t even telling the Treasury Department what the money is for. When the General Services Administration buys pencils, many layers of auditors check the deal. Isn’t it a tad naive to think $152 billion can be entrusted to a firm with a demonstrated track record of financial mismanagement and that money is not going to be looted? The Treasury Department’s handling of AIG appears to be spectacular irresponsibility with public money.

The people who work here give away your money to the Wall Street rich. But they ask tough questions! Such as, “How much do you want?”

Now, about the $503 million in tax-subsidized bonuses to prevent “top employees” from “exiting the troubled insurance giant.” The top employees of AIG are the ones who drove the company into the ground by making crazy deals, taking on bad debt or promising to insure bad debt when they knew AIG lacked adequate collateral. Those “top employees” at AIG are either cheats or incompetents — we want them to leave! They haven’t demonstrated any financial expertise. Yet the same AIG top managers who did a terrible, terrible job are set to receive huge bonuses: an example of the problem that corporate bonuses are awarded regardless of performance.

Management-suite types often rationalize huge bonuses by threatening to jump to another job. What job exactly would a top AIG employee jump to? The financial services industry is contracting; lots of well-qualified people with strong résumés are out on the street; no financial firm in its right mind would hire a failed manager from AIG over the fully qualified financial managers looking for work. AIG top employees have no career options right now; it is inconceivable any other financial firms are offering them lavish raises to hire them away. So “retention bonuses” aren’t necessary. But either the Treasury Department is too dim-witted to realize this or it doesn’t care and is merely trying to redistribute wealth from the middle class to the rich by allowing tax-subsidized bonuses that the giveaway team at Treasury knows perfectly well are not merited.

Side note: You might think, “How could the fancy-degree top people at Treasury possibly be that completely, utterly stupid?” But Treasury officials have a self-interest in maintaining the assumption that financial managers should receive gigantic bonuses regardless of performance. Almost everyone at the top of Treasury came from the firms being bailed out, plans to return to such firms and wants to pocket gigantic bonuses regardless of performance. So not only is the Treasury Department acting irresponsibly with tax money but its top executives have a personal stake in irresponsible action.

Sure he’s just telling us what we are all thinking, but in a sports column? He is also very hard on NFL coaches, which is always music to my ears. For what its worth, extra-heavy mayo is straight-up diabolical.

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You Need Cash?

Posted on 17 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

I’ve come to a conclusion – any company that is ready to give you “CASH!” for anything is a scam on one level or another. I’ve given this some (probably too much) deep thought – in this day and age, why is “CASH!” such a motivating factor? Whether it be wedding rings you have laying around the house or the actual house itself, who gives a rat’s ass if it is actual paper bills or a check? Unless you are paranoid about receiving a check from the company, which probably means you shouldn’t be dealing with that company in the first place. Next time you find yourself curious about a commercial that features “CASH!” as primary motivation, think of this exchange:

“Hey, you want $100 for your car?”

“Hell no – it has at least that much gas in it.”

“How about if I offer you…CASH!?” while waving around 50 two-dollar bills.

“Please die now.”

I guess this goes at least as far back as the glory days of the pawn shop. The dusty, poorly-lit establishments where desperate souls would sell anything valuable and/or of a questionable background – for “CASH!” I have only been in a pawn shop once, and the prices did not impress. Some of the old crap was cool – classic video games and old electronics. I also remember thinking that when individuals need “CASH!” to either get their husband out of jail or save their thumbs from Guido, guns and bowling balls are always the first in hock.

I’m thinking of trying that in less traditional situations. Ebay doesn’t offer a separate “Buy it now – in CASH!” option I can use as a seller. But when a company is truly desperate? I wonder how much “CASH!” they’ll take for General Motors?

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O’Reilly vs. Stewart – uncut

Posted on 14 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

OK, here’s the deal. He is trying so hard to be funny…I think. You be the judge. However, Papa Bear doesn’t say anything that really surprises you until the last 30 seconds. If he truly believes that object is what he thinks it is, then I am speechless.

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Peter Schiff Called It.

Posted on 14 November 2008 by Thraxxus

Watch and relish in how this guy was all but totally dismissed by people. I love it when experts are totally ignored.

Now look at this.

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The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Posted on 14 November 2008 by Thraxxus

I have argued many times that Disney’s version of this tale is not a children’s film, and that somehow its rather adult storyline managed to squeak past the harbingers of what is right and pure in the Disney world. I also believe that The Hunchback of Notre Dame is one of the best Disney films ever made from a story telling and life lesson perspective, but not one of the most entertaining. This scene is arguabley the most adult scene in any Disney film.

The archdeacon in this scene sings about how he must have the Gypsy Esmeralda above all things or he will burn her to death. Irony rings in with the fact that the song refers to multiple types of fire: His own desires for the gypsy, her ability to bewitch men, and the burning of her to death. All of these are topics meant for children to be sure.

Comments Welcome. Enjoy.

 

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Bob Newhart is a god.

Posted on 13 November 2008 by Thraxxus

Always loved this guy.

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I want to be a Marketer?

Posted on 11 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

Recently, I graduated from college. Before you flood me with golf claps, let me inform you that I have been in and out of higher education for over 16 years. Matter-of-fact the above picture is my graduation announcement – to emphasize my point. Anywhoo, my sad desperation to make up lost time has become palpable. Nay, it has become an absolute driving force in my life. Maybe it is an early mid-life crisis, I may never know. Maybe the fact the schooling is free – nah, that can not be it. Regardless of why, I have started my MBA. This has lead me to attend a marketing class, the first in my long, illustrious student career.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed it and learned a lot. One thing the professor emphasized was the cost of a marketing campaign. I built my theoretical one around The Lunch Game, the best Facebook application ever. As far as I was concerned this innovation, handed down to my friends by the grace of Zeus himself, could be pimped successfully with whatever I could dig out of my car seats. But alas, my arm was twisted behind my back to force me to spend hundreds of thousands of hard-earned yet simulated cash.

So I can relate when I see the Pepsi logo redesign madness – and the cost. But let me assure you that rolling out a new branding for a huge corporation is nothing to be taken lightly – so if the logo is a worthwhile expression of the corporate identity then…

Wait…that’s it? Jeezus. Hundreds of millions of dollars for that? Holy crap. Maybe the entire campaign will make sense if you see the marketing video presentation:


Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Or maybe not. Apparently, the economy is going to hell in a handbasket but bloated, overkill marketing screwjobs are still alive and well.

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Speaking of economical hell, I can not express strongly enough how surreal it is reading business rags in this day and age. It’s a lot like reading christian magazines if the apocalypse was dragging out for months and months. I imagine article titles would include “Why That Handjob in the Back of your Dad’s Pontiac in ’87 is Coming Back to Haunt You” and “Pitchfork Proof and Loving It – The Fourteen Homeless that Knew”. I came across yet another article about how General Mills is saving bundles by “optimizing” their Hamburger Helper products. Specifically, they are minimizing the number of pasta shapes. I know I have expressed in the past my distaste in these particular foodstuffs, and the fact it still sells billions sickens me. “You are killing yourselves and your kids” might not be a strong enough argument. In this day and age of watching your budget, I am trying another approach: the actual frugality of the ghastly boxes of salty doom. Check out my math (all prices from Albertson’s online as I write this):

Box of Hamburger Helper = $2.99

1 pound of ground beef, being conservative = 2.99

2 cups of milk = 1 gallon/8 = 3.99/8 = .50

Total cost = $6.48/2 servings = $3.24 per person

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Now compare this to something way more tasty, way more convenient, and with probably a lot less sodium and fat:

Stouffer’s Frozen Lasagna with Meat Sauce family size = $8.99/3 servings = $2.99 per person

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You may wonder why those serving numbers don’t match the boxes. Well, if those boxes had asses, you know they would be flat-out lying out of them. In the history of Hamburger Helper, a box has never been split between more than two hungry people over the age of four. Also, Stouffer’s goes down pretty easy – especially if it has had time to coagulate in the refrigerator, then brough to luke-warm before devouring. In conclusion, I’m pretty sure if the apocalypse does come, it will commence with a Hamburger Helper Beef Stroganoff hailstorm.

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Dead Poet’s Society

Posted on 10 November 2008 by Thraxxus

If you have not seen this film, rent it.

 

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Join today its almost as cheap as bacon.

Posted on 10 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

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Two Grumpy old men but funny as hell

Posted on 10 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

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NPR Humor

Posted on 07 November 2008 by Thraxxus

So this morning, just like every other morning, I was driving to my office listening to a little of the old NPR. They covered two things this particular morning that made me giggle with glee like a school girl. The first was a bit where this political expert was talking about the possible candidates for the Secretary of the Treasury. One particular candidate, according to this expert, was described as the “Exact opposite as Obama when it comes to speaking” and is a bit of a gruff fellow who “Uses the F-word as a comma.” I laughed. Then I had a vision of working with someone who would do that.

Guy: “So here is the thing today folksFUCK I want JanetFUCK BobFUCK and Steve to go to MinneapolisFUCK ST. PaulFUCK and St. Joe to find out if those people are interested in our product line: The WidgetFUCK The Blow up Doll FUCK and the Bible.”

I like how it reads.

The second was this bit on Story Corps where this famous story teller, his first name is Studs, had the Corps drop the booth at his house, right before he died, so that he could record a story. If you are unfamiliar with this concept I will expalin it to you. Story Corps is this not for profit THING where they take this recording booth around the country, they have already done the lower 48 states, and invite anyone to sit in the booth for a few mintues and tell a story about their life that they find significant. The results are marvelous and often times tear jerking. 

Studs’ final story was one where he spoke about the human voice and how it is no longer being used anywhere. I could never tell the story the way that he did but his point was clear. When you call someone now you get a robotic voice to tell you information. When you get ona  tram or train, it is a robotic voice that tells you what to do and where you are going. So his question made me laugh, in a meloncholy sort of way, because he was correct. When did it become wrong to have a real human tell you about things in a real human sort of way?

The Guy up for Secretary of the Treasury would be my pick. “Get on the Fuckin train you dumbass, the doors are closing.” It sure would get my attention.

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Trick or Treat?

Posted on 06 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

What would happen when you dress up a dummy and set it on peoples’ front porch?  Well these two videos pretty much sum it all up for us.

The best part of this one comes at around 2:10.

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A Break from Politics – Star Wars Style

Posted on 05 November 2008 by Thraxxus

I appreciate talent when I see it.

 

I give you the original Star Wars Theatre Trailer. LOL.

 

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An Argument for Communism

Posted on 04 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

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CRT TVs finally explained for normal people by Bjork

Posted on 04 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

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Movie Madness Mondays

Posted on 03 November 2008 by Five0ClockCharlie

If you have not seen this movie I highly recommend it.

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Xbox 360 Demo Review Roundup

Posted on 02 November 2008 by GlazednConfused

Undoubtedly, one of the greatest aspects of the new age of video games is the ability to download and play console demos in advance. I would say this is my absolute favorite innovation – more so than the great graphics, unheralded immersion, or eleven year-olds calling me a “fag”. Gone are the days of staring longingly at the box, trying to infer if the latest version of Sonic is as good as the last. No more hoping the magazine review is not “sponsored” or the guy just has crap taste. Furthermore, no more PC demos that are buggy as hell or screw up your computer if they work at all. I’m looking at you, Crysis. Xbox Live is a good thing.

A few high-profile demos were released on Wednesday, so I thought I’d throw a few words out. First, one that has been on Live for a while – Pure. This is a perfect example of a demo selling a game, because the screen captures and the reviews make it out to be just another above-average ATV game. Actually, it is the spritual successor to Downhill Domination for which I have been waiting impatiently. By the way, if you haven’t played that PS2 game – check it out. I don’t even like racing games, but both DD and Pure are awesome fun. Both are more arcade/trick games (in the vein of the SSX series) than simulation.

The new Tomb Raider game demo is out, and it sure is purty. Well, at least the water is impressive. The way it shimmers and sighs against the cliff sides is some nice work. Call me anal, but a little wetness leftover on the rocks when the water retreats would have been awesome. The foliage, rocks, and squishy spiders do not stand out. Lara Croft, nearly killed off by the gawddawful second movie, is back and up to her same ol’ tricks. I fell off the cliff into that glistening water too many times, so the familiar trial-and-error game mechanic is in full force. If you are already a fan then go at it. Otherwise, skip it.

Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts is not exactly a stretch for Square. You remember Square, right? Developers of the original BanKaz in 1998 on the Nintendo64, Kingdom Hearts, Chrono Trigger, and of course the juggernaut known as the Final Fantasy series. In summary, back in the day they were GODS. Peruse their list here. The Bushido Blade series alone made them revered. They are back for the first BK game on a non-handhold console since the original, and it is pretty fun. If you like those Mario-esque runaround and collect games, check it out. However, it has a cool unique mechanic where you build your own vehicles. You know the game is focused on vehicles because after walking around a bit, your tutorial guide says something to the effect of “you know you have vehicles, right? RIGHT?”. Again, this is where downloading the demo is awesome – normally I would not like these types of games and dismissed it outright. The vehicle aspect adds a little extra something, so I may wait and buy it used.

My point – download the free demos ASAP. What do you have to lose?

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